Twirlygigs and Gizzards
by KalliopeStarmist
Summary: Sakura, fed up with the romance interests in her life, decides to drag Gaara around town. Not too complicated, so why is everyone so confused? [SakuGaar][Chapter 12 is up!]
1. Twirlygigs and Gizzards

Twirlygigs and Gizzards

A/N: Yes, another oneshot romance, after the smashing success of Lust of Ishbala (cough).

I got the idea for this pairing while writing the third chapter of "The Village Hidden in the Lemon Peels", at the GaarLee part. The original draft of that section was really, really out of character for Lee, but, I noticed that, when a certain young lady was substituted, it worked out perfectly. So here it is, the bastard child of "The Village Hidden in the Lemon Peels".

(Warning: Completely nonsensical matches and a little OOCness on Gaara's part, but I think that's because he's so stunned by Sakura not being the least intimidated by him that he's just kind of in awe.)

* * *

POW! THUNK! POW! BAM!

Sakura hit, kicked, stabbed, and otherwise abused the punching bag with all her might, imagining with each blow that it was Naruto and Sasuke she was pulverizing. "I'm weak, huh? Well, take that! And that! And THAT!" she huffed, throwing all her energy into one last blow and leaning heavily against the abused bag of straw. Panting, she turned back around.

Gaara of the Desert stared back at her.

"OH MY GOD!" Sakura shrieked, jumping back into the punching bag and clutching at her heart. "Gaara! You scared the bejeezus out of me!"

Gaara said nothing.

"What is your problem?" the pink-haired girl asked, breathing heavily. "What are you even doing here? Get sick of the desert or something?"

"My siblings want a summer home out here. They left with the realtor, but I didn't want to go."

"Is it ... legal for you guys to live here? Since you're Sand-nins and all?"

Gaara shrugged. "We do illegal stuff all the time. Temari used to steal old car parts."

Sakura blinked at this. "Why?"

Gaara shrugged again.

He was quiet... after being exposed to Naruto and Sasuke's taunts, Sakura found that this was a great quality in a man. Hmm... delivered right to her doorstep, a benevolent stranger to listen to her bitch. (Whether or not Gaara can be considered benevolent is debatable.) She tried to think of the best way to start her rant. Fortunately and unwittingly, Gaara helped her out.

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm practicing... since this is a practice court and all," Gaara continued to stare at her in such a way that she was almost convinced she had spinach in her teeth. "You do know what practicing is, don't you?" she snorted. "Or maybe you don't. Isn't your whole family child prodigies? I bet none of you have practiced in your entire lives."

"Why?"

"Why was I practicing, or why is your whole family child prodigies?" Sakura replied pertly. Gaara glared. "Ok, ok, I was just letting out steam. I'm so upset with Naruto and Sasuke right now, if I didn't have this dummy to beat up, I would rip the entire village to shreds. AND DON'T YOU DARE SAY I COULDN'T MANAGE IT!"

"You're that angry... at Sasuke?" Gaara knew what was up. He and Kankuro might not be Suna's most eligible bachelors, but he was aware that such people did exist... and their fans did, too.

Sakura grinned, a little blush rising on her cheeks. "You know how it is. Love is complicated."

"Is it?"

"Uh, _yeah_," the girl rolled her eyes at such a dumb question. "Don't you have anyone you love? A friend? A teacher? _A pet goldfish?_" she suggested, getting more and more desperate as he continued to shake his head.

"Love is not something I am permitted. And we don't keep pet goldfish in the desert."

Thinking about the various goldfish her family had owned over the years, and the heartbreak they had caused her siblings, Sakura saw the wisdom in this. "Wait! What about Temari and Kankuro?"

"What about them?"

Inner Sakura flared up. "You little BRAT! I can't stand it when kids ignore their older siblings. I'm the oldest of about 50, and let me tell you, I do everything for those kids, and if they were as ungrateful as you, I'd tan their hides! You younger kids have_ no clue _what it's like to take care of your younger siblings while trying to live your own life, worrying that one will get killed or go crazy and kill the others or something. It's a lot of work, and you should appreciate everything your siblings do for you!"

* * *

Ino, Shikamaru, and Chouji hid out watching nearby.

"Hey, Ino," Shikamaru said, poking her. "Sakura is going to die."

"I bet no one's ever been suicidal enough to talk to Gaara like that before," Chouji added.

"Shh!" hissed Ino. "I want to see her get sand-smushed."

But Sakura didn't get sand-smushed. She and Gaara just talked for a bit, and finally she laughed at something, Gaara nodded, and they went their separate ways.

"That was... unexpected," Ino muttered.

* * *

Gaara was sitting alone at the cheap desk in the hotel room, looking troubled, when Temari and Kankuro returned from their tour of Konoha Homes for Sale. Both seemed happy, and both ignored Gaara, assuming he wanted to be left as alone as possible in the cramped room.

"I dunno, 'Mari, do you really think we need the pool?" Kankuro asked. "It makes the backyard seem all crowded."

"But pools are so nice! And it is a summer home, they're supposed to have pools," objected his sister.

"What if we get a kiddy pool?"

"A kiddy pool?" Temari laughed. "Kan-kun, you ought to be ashamed! We're too old!"

"Sis, do you even know how to swim?"

Temari paused. "...I could learn."

"Hey, Temari?" Gaara asked quietly. "I... met this girl."

Kankuro dropped the pillow he had been preparing to throw at his sister. Temari plunked down on her bed, stunned.

"And she asked me to go hang out with her tomorrow." He wanted to add, _and I'm kind of afraid of her_, but he thought the shock of two such unexpected statements in a row would kill his poor siblings. On the other hand, he would like to see someone die of shock... that would be interesting...

"Like, on a date?" Temari asked. "_Really_?"

He turned red. "It's not really a date,"

"It's as close as you're ever going to get," Kankuro told him. "So, who is the.. erm, lucky lady? Do we know her?"

Trust his brother to pick the most embarrassing question possible. "I... don't know. I don't know her name. She's on Team 7... or maybe Team 6, I don't remember. She's got pink hair."

"Oh, Haruno Sakura," Temari said automatically. She couldn't say much beyond that, as she really knew nothing about the third wheel of Team Kakashi beyond her name and that she was crazy enough to ask her sure-to-die-alone brother out. "Well, that's really sweet, Gaar-Gaar."

Gaara winced. "Don't call me—,"

Kankuro interrupted him with a cough. "Hey, Temari... could you um... maybe step outside for a bit? We've got some... guy stuff to talk about."

"Ah," With a knowing smile, the girl tapped her nose discreetly and exited the room.

"All right, little bro, time to set you straight on the facts of life."

Gaara tried glaring at him. It didn't shut him up. His greatest weapon had failed him in his moment of need. He started to get desperate.

"...and then you have to GAARA! Get that sand out of your ears, you need to hear this."

Two little streams of sand poured out of his ears as sullenly as streams of sand can manage to pour from ears as Gaara braced himself...

* * *

When Temari returned with take-out food, her youngest brother had darker-than-normal circles under his black-rimmed eyes and a decidedly haunted look. He didn't eat much. It looked like the talk had been a success.

* * *

DING-DONG!

Gaara rang the doorbell, trying to forget the "advice" Kankuro had given him. He didn't care what Sakura said, his siblings were horrible care givers. What on earth did they think twelve-year-olds did on dates? NO! Not dates, this wasn't even a date. They were "hanging out". Normal kids, Gaara was dimly aware, "hung out". He was also vaguely aware that this summer home his siblings were so dead-set on could turn into an opportunity to be "normal". (That this might be the reason they were so dead-set on the summer home in the first place didn't occur to him.)

A tiny pink-haired girl answered, peering out shyly from behind the door. "Who're you?" she asked suspiciously.

"I'm Gaara."

A little boy, slightly taller than the girl, came into view, sticking out his tongue at the stranger. "Hey, Sakura! Your _boyfriend_'s here!" he yelled tauntingly. The little girl giggled, staring up at Gaara again, this time blushing.

"Who?" snapped Sakura, coming to the door with a baby balanced on her hip. "Gaara? What are you doing here? I thought we were meeting at the park?" she exclaimed quizzically.

"You were late, so I looked you up in the phone book," he replied flatly over the chant of "Sakura's got a boyfriend, Sakura's got a boyfriend!"

"I'm not that late, am I?" Sakura asked, only to turn red as she checked her watch. "OH! I'm sorry, I didn't realize what time it was! Sayu here was being all fussy," she explained, hoisting the baby up a little. "I'll try to put her to sleep real quick... I'll be right back. You can come in if you want," she added over her shoulder, disappearing back into the house.

* * *

"All right, Lee, here's your chance!" Naruto announced excitedly to his bestest friend in the whole wide street, Rock Lee. "We've ticked Sakura-chan off to the point of no return, so she's going to be spending the whole day moping. You just have to show up, be understanding, give her a shoulder to cry on, all that stuff, and before you know it, you two will be enjoying candlelit dinners and walks on the beach!"

"Really?" Lee asked, his eyes lighting up.

"Believe it!"

Sasuke, standing in the shadows, trying to avoid being seen with the two closest people to friends he had, snorted.

"What's your problem?" Naruto snapped.

"Mr. Naivety over there," the brooding young man sniggered, nodding to Lee. "Now, if I had a crush on a girl, and another guy with a crush on her and some guy she has a crush on offered to set me up with her, I'd be a little suspicious."

Lee pondered this, walking over to Sasuke and surveying him thoughtfully. "You are a very cynical person... that may be part of the reason that you're always so lonely. But, you do have a point," he acquiesced, returning his attention to Naruto. "What's the catch? Sakura-chan's a once-in-a-lifetime kind of young woman. You wouldn't sacrifice your chance with her merely for the sake of romance."

Sasuke snorted again.

"What now?" Naruto and Lee asked, rounding on him.

"Nothing," Sasuke smirked, enjoying this position of power. "Just... Naruto's actually seeing someone else."

"SASUKE! You said you wouldn't tell!" Naruto yelled, glaring at him.

Rock Lee stared back and forth between the two young men. They seemed like opposites, but once you got to know them, they had a lot in common... Now, Lee was a very open-minded, unprejudiced, sensitive lad, so he was as delicate as possible in phrasing his next question. "...gay?"

Sasuke snorted again. "Not unless Hinata's hiding something."

"Sasuke!" snapped Naruto. "Shut up!"

"They're keeping it quiet because Neji would kill Naruto and dismember his corpse if he found out," Sasuke explained.

Lee nodded. That sounded like Neji, all right. "You know, Naruto, since you're doing all this for me and Sakura... if you want me to throw in a good word for you with Neji, I could."

"Really? That'd be awesome of you!" Naruto exclaimed.

Another snort from Sasuke, as he imagined Eyebrow the Boy Wonder trying to convince his overly-serious teammate that Naruto wasn't a total moron.

* * *

"Do you _love_ Sakura?" the little girl asked, hiding partially behind the couch. Apparently she was very shy, because Gaara hadn't once seen her not hidden behind something.

"Are you gonna _kiss_ her?" the boy asked, making it very clear that any guy who kissed his older sister was gross.

"Maki! Shoko! Hush!" Sakura hissed, shooing the children out of her way as she pulled Gaara out the door. "Sorry about them," she apologized as they walked along. "They're good kids, but they can be a handful... um... are you hungry? Do you want to grab some lunch?"

Gaara shrugged.

Fortunately, Sakura was perfectly used to noncommital replies from her little brothers and sisters. "Is that a yes-shrug, or a no-shrug?" she asked helpfully.

"... a yes-shrug, I guess."

"All right!" Sakura chirped. "Where do you want to go?"

"There aren't any good restaurants in Konoha."

"Sure there are! You just need a native to show you around. And you're in luck, because I happen to be 100 percent Leaf Villager! So, what's your favorite food?"

In spite of himself, Gaara actually perked up a little. "Lizard tongues and gizzards."

His new pal stared at him. "_Really_?" Gaara nodded, and Sakura shrugged. "Must be a desert thing."

"They're good," the boy assured her.

"I'll take your word for it..." she compromised, unconvinced.

"What's your favorite food, then?"

"Pickled sour plums and fruit salad with dumplings!" Gaara stared at her. "Hey, don't mock the pickled sour plums! They're one of mankind's greatest inventions."

Gaara shrugged. "I'll take your word for it."

Sakura grinned mischievously. "Tell you what, you try my favorite food, and I'll try yours. Deal?" After some consideration, Gaara decided he had nothing left to lose, and nodded. "Ok! Come on, I bet Aru's sells lizard tongues. They do specialty foods," she said, pulling him down the street. "Uh... hey, Gaara-kun? What is a gizzard, anyway?"

"Well, when you dissect a—,"

Sakura cut him off with a shudder. "Never mind. I don't want to spoil the surprise."

* * *

Part of Sasuke's problem, he had decided by reading therapy books in his spare time, was that he didn't talk to others enough. With being assigned to Squad 7, he had set out to rectify this. "And mom said she was out of oregano and I said "Itachi's got some in his room", and I was only four, how was I supposed to know it wasn't oregano? So mom blows up, and Itachi gets all pissed at me, and I'm like—,"

"Hey, Sasuke, Lee," Naruto interrupted, pointing at the entrance to Aru's Market. "Isn't that Sakura?"

"Yes, I think it is," Lee said, squinting. "But who's that short kid she's with?"

"Looks like," Sasuke leaned forward, "GAARA?"

The three boys were stunned. They turned to each other in shell-shocked stupor. "She blew us off for the creepy desert kid?

Recovering, Naruto turned back to the couple. "And she looks like she's having a good time, too!" he wailed. "Now we have to follow them!"

"If only to see what their deal is," Sasuke agreed.

* * *

Sakura _was_ having a good time. Aru's had had the desired lizard parts, and, while wandering through downtown Konoha, she was discovering that they didn't taste half bad, if you ignored the fact that you were eating lizard organ meat.

Gaara, meanwhile, was nibbling thoughtfully on a dumpling.

"Well? Do you like it?" Sakura prompted. Gaara shrugged, which at this point in their day, lead automatically to her next question. "Yes-shrug or no-shrug?"

"It's an I-haven't-decided-yet shrug. It tastes... different. I'm not used to Konoha food. I told Temari that I'd starve if we moved out here. She told me not to be so melodramatic."

"You don't like Konoha?" Sakura asked sympathetically.

Gaara shook his head. "Too much green. And the weather changes too much. And it feels too closed in. And it's too wet. And too warm at night, and too cold during the day, and,"

"So, I take it that the summer home wasn't your idea?"

"No... but Temari and Kankuro said that they're getting one, end of story, and if I don't like it, I can stay at home all summer. Much as I hate the forest, I hate being home alone even more. At least it's only summers."

Sakura shook her head, studying her companion bemusedly. "Wow. I just don't understand you at all. I love it out here! I don't get how anyone can live in the desert. It's so bare. No rain, no trees, no twirlers,"she sighed, picking up a twirler off the ground and tossing it in the air. Gaara watched it flutter gracefully to the ground, and, becoming curious, picked one up himself and tossing it up. It dropped back to the earth like a stone.

Sakura grinned. "You must have got a dud... here, try another."

Gaara did; and it dropped like a stone.

Puzzled, Sakura retrieved it and tried again. This time, it twirled around, landing softly on the ground. "Hmm... maybe you're flicking your wrist funny or something."

They spent a good long while trying to force Gaara's twirlers to work, failing miserably, but still having a good time.

* * *

The light from the setting sun reflected off of two identical lenses concealed in a nearby tree. "It looks like... Gaara's grinning!" Naruto gasped. Lee grabbed the binoculars away from him.

"He can _grin_? Oh, what I'd give to know what they're talking about."

"He can talk?" Sasuke gasped, making a grab for the binoculars. "To people? Like, in a conversation?"

* * *

Afraid that some ill-fated Konoha punks would want to try beating on her puny little sand-nin friend (nothing says tourist like a Suna headband), Sakura escorted Gaara back to the hotel after sunset. "G'night, Gaara," she started outside the door, breaking the awkward silence. "Thanks for coming along today... I know it's not really your kind of thing, but I had a really good time."

Gaara nodded emotionlessly, and Sakura, still feeling a little awkward but unable to break the silence again, turned to go.

"Hey... um... Sakura? I had a good time, too."

Sakura turned back around, but Gaara had disappeared.


	2. PostDate Communications

A/N: Before we begin, I'd like to tell you kiddies a story. Once upon a time there was a young authoress. She wrote fanfiction. Now, her stories weren't particularly good, as she was just starting out, but, one day, she had an idea! And a brilliant idea it was, too. In the next week she wrote a short, five chapter story about the homunculi from FullMetal Alchemist, and posted it all at once. It went over well. So well, in fact, that the reviewers begged her to write a sequel. So she did.

One long, life-sucking year later, she finished this sequel, which was nowhere near as good, but twice as long as the first one, which she had agonized over, which had hung over her head that whole year. This 10 chapter story got less reviews than the original, not because it wasn't good in its own merit (although not as good as the original), but because the people who had asked for this sequel didn't review it.

But this didn't bother the girl, because she was proud of this story, and she was sooooo relieved to have it done, and she vowed never to cater to reviewers ever again.

By coincidence, the day she posted the last chapter of Trying To Be Human (for that's what the story was called), she also posted a little Naruto story, a sweet little oneshot she had been working on.

It went over well. So well, in fact, that the reviewers begged for a continuation. Now, you'd have thought that she had learned her lesson, but this authoress was also a review whore, and it wasn't long before her old ways came bubbling back to the surface, and she began writing a continuation.

You're about to read it.

(The moral of this story is, of course, that this story will only be continued as long as reviews asking for such come in.)

Twirlygigs and Gizzards: An Unlikely Continuation of an Unlikely Romance.

Chapter 2: Post-Date Communications

* * *

"It was a rebound date!" Naruto explained confidently.

"She was having a good time, you said so yourself," moaned the heartbroken Rock Lee.

"She was with GAARA, Lee! You know Gaara, she couldn't have been having a good time. She must have been acting, she knew we were watching and wanted to make us jealous!" Naruto continued to explain, pushing Lee out the front door. "Now, go out there and show her what a sensitive, savvy, and all-around great ninja you are!"

Somewhat heartened by the assurances of his confidante, the young romantic set off to find Sakura and convince her of his undying love. He also thought it might not hurt to add that he would never consider forcing a lady to eat lizard parts of any variety on a romantic evening.

Naruto slammed the door shut with a sigh of relief. That had been close. _He_ had a date that Lee had almost put him in danger of missing.

* * *

About twenty minutes later, Lee burst through the door, scaring Hinata to death. Immediately recognizing her cousin's brightly-garbed friend (if Neji could be said to have any friends, which Naruto always argued he didn't), the girl squeaked and made a dive Naruto's bedroom, hoping to hide under the bed, Naruto rushed after her, assuring her that Lee was on their side, and Lee followed them moaning like a lost soul.

"It wasn't Naruto-kun's fault!" Hinata wailed, trying to hide under the bed. "He's a nice boy, he wouldn't take advantage of me! Please don't tell anyone!"

"Hina-chan, it's all right! It's just Lee, he already knows! He's one of us!" Naruto tried frantically to yell over her.

"Nothing personal, she said. Sorry, she said," Lee kept repeating to himself, oblivious to the commotion. "You're a nice boy, Lee, she said."

* * *

Things settled down a bit, and the three kids sat on Naruto's bed, Hinata now composed, but using her recent panic attack as an excuse for Naruto to hold his arms around her while they tried to get Lee, sitting across from them, to talk, or at least stop staring into space.

"You're a nice boy, Lee, but I'm not interested," he sighed yet again. It had become a mantra for him. "Nothing personal.

"So... she turned you down?" Naruto guessed.

"Like a bedspread!" Lee moaned, almost slipping off the bed in despair. "One minute I'm telling her how much better she can do than Sasuke, and she's all ears, all "you're so right", and I thought I had her, I go to make my move, and BOOM! _Nothing personal_!"

Naruto sighed and squeezed Hinata, trying to think up a way to get Lee out without hurting his feelings. It wasn't that he didn't feel for the poor chap, but he and Hina didn't get to see each other much, and, well...

The phone rang.

"Hello, Naruto here dattabayo!"

"Naruto?"

"Yes?"

"_Naruto?_" the caller asked again in a hopeless, confused sort of voice, the verbal equivalent of staring into space.

"_Yes?_"

"_Naruto_," whined the caller.

Naruto rolled his eyes. "_Sasuke_," he said in the same whining voice the phoner was using.

"My neighbors... they're... they're... get over here."

Naruto sighed, gazing longingly over at Hinata, who was watching with Lee from the doorway. "Can I bring some people?"

"I don't care, just come."

"Where do you live?"

"The Uchiha Mansion," Sasuke said in a "duh" type of voice.

Naruto rolled his eyes impatiently. "Yeah, well, I live at Chateau Uzumaki, that doesn't tell you how to get there, now, does it? Do you have, I don't know, an address?"

"Oh... uh... 619 Tenth Street."

"Good boy."

* * *

"Is this the right place?" Naruto asked uncertainly, looking at the house before him.

"619, this must be it," Hinata shrugged, ringing the doorbell.

"But, this place is HUGE!"

She looked the house over, unconvinced. "Fair-sized, I suppose."

Lee shook his head muttering, "Rich kids."

Just then, a pale-looking Sasuke opened the door a sliver. "Get in here, quick, before they see you," he whispered, letting the others in and leading them off down a hall.

"They?" Naruto asked. "Who's-, AH!" He halted as they turned into a room, throwing his arm out to keep Hinata a safe distance away.

"Oh my god!" Lee gasped, having a very similar reaction to Naruto's. "Sasuke, do you _clean_?"

Sasuke, already halfway through the kitchen, turned around, glancing around the cluttered, dust-covered room and the horrified expressions on his companions' faces. "Sometimes I take out the trash and pick the dirty clothes up off the floor of my bedroom."

With that, their guide plunged deeper into the house, forcing them to follow along, picking their way over Chinese takeout boxes, pop cans, and fungal growth. Hinata thought she saw some police tape buried under the filth and pressed closer to Naruto.

"My neighbors across the street are moving," Sasuke explained when they reached a dark, dusty, cobwebby bedroom. "And they're showing their house today, to-, to-," he broke off, handing Rock Lee a pair of binoculars and motioning for him to draw back the curtain and look out the window.

Lee did so, and went as pale as Sasuke. "But... but, that looks like..."

"You thought so, too?" Sasuke asked, eager to confirm his suspicions.

Naruto and Hinata were considering slipping off while the others were busy, but curiosity got the best of them. "Let me see, let me see!" Naruto ordered, grabbing the binoculars from Lee.

* * *

For the past week, the Sand Siblings had been looking at houses and, after narrowing down their selection to a few, they were going back to revisit their top choices, this time with Gaara in tow.

620 Tenth Street was by far Temari and Kankuro's favorite, and they were trying to impress their brother with its superior merits.

"We could put your room in the basement if you want, and then you could play DDR at night without waking up Kan-kan," Temari added happily, leading him to the back yard. "And it's got a pool!"

"And a tree house!" Kankuro put in.

Temari shook her head, rounding on her other brother. "How old are you, five?"

"You don't have to be little to appreciate tree houses!"

"And it's got three bathrooms, and one has a Jacuzzi."

"And a huge kitchen with a dishwasher, so no more arguing over who's turn it is to do the dishes!"

"And it's in great condition, we'd hardly have to do any work on it, and the neighborhood is really quiet,"

None of this seemed to be getting through to Gaara, and his brother and sister were rather perturbed about it. They really, really, _really_ liked this house, and they wanted their brother to like it, too. Experience had taught them that Gaara's support was necessary for things like new homes.

"It's got hardwood flooring, very valuable," Temari continued as though any kid cared about what kind of flooring a house had, opening up the door to the backyard. "And look at that pool! Isn't it great?"

"Gaara, if we buy this house, Temari might drown, and we'd be free!" Kankuro added. Temari hit him. "ah! Hey, can't you take a joke? Ow, stop! Oof!"

Gaara didn't pay attention to his siblings' squabbling, just as he hadn't paid attention to the pool, the dishwasher, the finished basement, the Jacuzzi, or the hardwood floors. He glared with his usual angry glare at the ground, where, for the first time that day, something did catch his eye. He picked up the twirlygig, staring at it thoughtfully. Slowly, he looked up.

The backyard matched the size of the house. That is to say, it was rather large, and contained, aside from the pool, a huge old maple tree (the foundation for the treehouse that Kankuro was so fond of). It was this tree that next caught Gaara's eye. A gentle breeze moved though its branches, knocking down a few more of the twirlers.

"I think we should buy it," he decided.

* * *

Sasuke, Naruto, Hinata, and Lee were peeking anxiously out from the curtain, Hinata holding the binoculars. "They're in the dinning room... it looks like the girl is talking to the realtor... now she's signing something..."

"Can you see what it is?" Sasuke asked.

"Uh... some contract... it looks like they're making an offer."

Sasuke groaned. "Oh no. The Takatoris have been trying to sell that place forever. Anyone making an offer has as good as bought it!"

"Well, it shouldn't be too big a deal," Hinata said, trying to make things better. "You won't see too much of them, and they're only your neighbors. Who knows, you might even really like them, once you get to know them."

In response, Sasuke looked over at Naruto. "You didn't tell her about last week, did you?"

"Hinata," Naruto turned to her. "You know how we're trying to set Lee and Sakura up? Well, a funny thing happened the other day..."

* * *

Sakura lay down on her bed, staring at the ceiling. She was pondering an important question, and she didn't know who she could go to for advice. Really, the expert at this particular type of question was Ino.

Aw, what the heck, Sakura decided. Ino used to be a really good friend, it wouldn't hurt to call her up.

Sakura picked up her phone, just as it started ringing. "Hello?"

"Hello, Sakura!"

"Ino?" Sakura gasped, hardly believing it. She and Ino hadn't talked on the phone in years. "Whoa, that's so weird! I was just about to call you!"

"Really?" Ino sounded just as surprised as Sakura felt.

"Yeah, I needed some advice."

"Oh, well, go ahead."

"Oh, no, you called first. What's up?"

"Ok, I was lying on my bed, watching some rerun or something, and suddenly I had this, like, epiphany. I don't know how to describe it. It was like I could see everything, the whole world so clearly, and I realized, I don't care about Sasuke. I mean, he's cute, sure, but he's not really my type. For the life of me, I don't understand what I saw in him. So, I had this revelation, and I was going to call you up and tell you, 'forget it, Sakura-san, if you want Sasuke, go get him, you have my blessing,'"

Sakura interrupted, "actually, what I wanted to-,"

"But I reached for the phone, and I looked in the mirror, and it occurred to me that you... you're such a ... a bright, wonderful, glorious person. You just have so much to offer, and you've been throwing yourself at this boy who just doesn't deserve you."

"Uh, Ino?" Sakura started again, a little overwhelmed by the serious turn the conversation had taken.

"No, listen to me. Sakura, you always give yourself so little credit, you don't realize what an awesome person you are, and if Uchiha Sasuke can spend all this time with you in his cell and all and not see that, then his loss. Take this advice from an old friend. Go find somebody who loves you, who knows how lucky he is to have you, and stick with him."

Despite the unexpectedness of this revelation of Ino's, Sakura was touched. "Actually, Ino-san, I wanted to talk to you because I went out with this guy last week."

"Great! Good for you!"

"We both had a good time and all, but I haven't seen him at all since..."

"Is he shy?"

"I don't know. Maybe? I thought he was just quiet and awkward, like, he doesn't talk to girls much or something."

"Daw, I love awkward boys, they're so cute," Ino cooed.

"And... I had fun, and I was wondering if he wanted to do it again sometime, but I don't want to be too forward, and I don't want to make him go again if he doesn't want to, and..."

"Ah, post-date communications," Ino said wisely. "Always a little awkward... just call him up, ask if he wants to do it again sometime, give him your number, and tell him to call you back sometime."

"I didn't get his number," Sakura admitted.

"Oh... well, maybe I know him. What's his name?"

"You don't know him," Sakura assured her.

"Are you sworn to secrecy or something?"

"Look, Ino, I gotta go. Shoko's skinned her knee or something. Hey, thanks for calling! We should get together sometime, bye!"

Ino looked suspiciously at the phone. "Chouji," she said to her perennial accomplice in all things scheme-y. "I think Sakura is hiding something."

Chouji took a little time to swallow some chips he had been eating. "Like what?"

"Like a boyfriend," Ino clarified. "The question is, who? And why?"

They sat for a second in quiet thought, and then Chouji jumped. "I know! Remember how we went down to the practice courts last week, and she was arguing with Gaara?"

"Yeah," Ino said slowly. "And we thought she was going to die, but she didn't... you don't think...?"

"Yeah, I do. _She must be dating his brother!_"

"Of course!" Ino snapped her fingers. "Chouji, you're a genius!"

* * *

"That is really weird," Hinata admitted after being told the story of The Mysterious Time Lee, Naruto, and Sasuke Caught Sakura Hanging Out With Gaara. "But there must be some explanation."

Suddenly, the paleness disappeared from Sasuke's face. "Wait, why am I so upset? With them next door, we can finally find out what was actually going on."

"The plan is genius!" Lee exclaimed. "Sasuke, you must call us the minute they move in. We shall get to the bottom of this!"

* * *

The realtor had assured the three siblings that they would be in full possession of their house in no time; she knew how desperate the Takatoris were to move out. So, feeling that their mission to Konoha was almost complete, the trio began the walk back to their hotel.

After going a few blocks, Gaara stopped. "There's something I need to do. I'll meet you back at the room."

Temari shrugged and kept walking. Kankuro kept walking, but he did wonder. "Hey, does he have his key with him?"

Temari shrugged again. "His problem, isn't it?"

* * *

Through some twist of karma, Shoko had skinned her knee about half an hour after Sakura used the lie to get off the phone with Ino, so the two girls were sitting on the porch swing, the younger sister with her leg stretched over the older sister's lap.

"See, Shoko-chan, it's not so bad. Look, it's stopped bleeding already!"

Shoko turned the same shade of pink as her hair and tried to hide behind her sister. Sakura turned around. Her sister always behaved this way around strangers.

"_Gaara?_"

"Hi."

Sakura's mouth dropped open, and she closed it again quickly. She didn't quite know how to handle this kind of conversation.

"Do you have any plans for tomorrow?" Gaara asked, "Because I'm getting sick of watching television in the hotel room."

"No!" Sakura gasped. "I mean, no, I don't have any plans, do you want to get together?"

The necessary arrangements were made, and Gaara left. Shoko came out from her hiding place behind her sister and poked her. "Sakura-chan, why are you still blushing? He's gone."

"I'm not blushing!" Sakura protested, turning red. Shoko just giggled.


	3. Fools on the Hill

Twirlygigs and Gizzards: An Unlikely Continuation of an Unlikely Romance

Chapter 3: Fools on the Hill

* * *

Ino was bored, so, remembering Sakura's promise to get together with her sometime, she called up her ex-friend. Her little brother answered.

"Hey, is your sister there?" Ino asked.

"She can't come to the phone. She's putting on a bunch of make-up 'cause she's got a date. With her _boyfriend_."

"Oh." Ino hung up and turned to Chouji. "Grab your stuff," she ordered. "We're going stalking."

* * *

"I'm going out," Gaara informed his family on his way out the hotel room door.

"Ok." Temari shrugged, not looking up from the house-buying related paperwork she was filling out.

"... aren't you going to ask where?"

"No."

"Or who with?"

"No."

"...Oh. Well, bye."

"Bye."

Gaara put his hand on the doorknob, then turned once more. "Or when I'll be back?"

Temari set her pen down and looked at him. "Do you need money or something?"

Gaara shook his head and left.

"I'll never understand that kid," she remarked to Kankuro, who hadn't felt that it was necessary to interrupt his GameBoy to participate in the conversation.

"What's there to understand? He's going to go hang out with that Sakura girl again, and he wants to brag to us."

"How do you _know_ all that?"

"Isn't it obvious?"

* * *

Shikamaru wasn't planning on getting involved in any scandals that day. All he wanted to do was lie on his favorite hill, away from the bustle of the city, and watch the clouds roll by. If more people spent their days watching the clouds, Shikamaru felt, everyone would be more relaxed, but he'd have to put up with a lot more idiots ruining his solitude, so maybe we should just forget the whole thing.

As was, the quiet early afternoon was still interrupted by the sounds of two people approaching, talking intently. One of them let out a high-pitched giggle that he recognized.

"Hello, Sakura," he greeted without moving his head to look at her. "What are you doing here?" He hoped her team wasn't meeting on his nice, peaceful hill. Squad 7 was the loudest group of people still allowed within Konoha city limits.

"Oh, hey, Shikamaru!" the girl trilled, sounding a little startled that the lump on the hillside was speaking. "We're just passing though. Sorry to bother you."

"Eh," muttered Shikamaru, going back to his sky-watching trance.

"See, Gaara, I told you you can see the sky in Konoha," Sakura said to her companion, presumably pointing up at the cloud scape.

The name didn't sink into Shikamaru's brain at first. When it did, he was certain he had heard incorrectly. And when a voice that quite distinctly belonged to none other than Gaara of the Sand of Chunin Exam fame said, "You were right," very civilly, even _kindly_, he was convinced he had fallen asleep. His head snapped up, and, low and behold, there was his ditzy pink-haired classmate skipping along next to the gourd-sporting bloodthirsty boy from Suna.

"Well, I'll be," he said to himself, going back to watching the clouds. A few minutes later, his eyes were half-open and he was just getting into that nice place between sleeping and waking that he loved so very very much when,

"Shikamaru!" shouted Ino and Chouji, coming up to him. "Hey, we're stalking Sakura, we think she's up to something. Want to come?"

Shikamaru had never hard a question that was such an obvious waste of breath. "Nah. I'm chilling."

"Oh. Well, all right, then," Ino shrugged, and she and Chouji walked off the way they had come.

"Uh, Ino?" Shikamaru called after them, "Sakura went that way," he pointed, but they didn't seem to hear. With an indulgent smile, like an uncle watching his nephews and nieces play with sharp objects, he shook his head and went back to watching his clouds.

* * *

He barely had the chance to mellow out again when Naruto, Sasuke, Rock Lee, and Hinata ran up to him. Well, not up to him in particular, as they didn't spot him at first, but up to his general vicinity.

"We've lost them," Sasuke panted, catching his breath.

"We can't have!" Lee stared around in disbelief. "We saw them come up here a second ago!"

"How an such a short kid move so fast?" asked Naruto.

"Maybe Shikamaru-kun saw them," Hinata suggested, calling attention to the boy on the ground.

"Oh, yeah, Hey," Naruto greeted belatedly but enthusiastically. "We're looking for Sakura-chan and that Gaara kid, have you seen them?"

Shikamaru pointed out the way the pair had gone with a sigh. The sky was getting grayer, and he felt the first drop of rain land on his cheek.

"Relaxation. What a drag," he muttered to himself, sitting up to talk to the kids around him before they could run off after their quarry. "It's going to start raining pretty hard soon. If I was you, I'd go to that vaguely-bohemian café down there. It's the nearest shelter, and they'll be running in there out of the storm before long." With that, he stood and directed his footsteps back towards the Konoha outskirts, taking his own advice.

Lighting streaked across the sky, and the group of stalkers decided that the plan had definite merits, and joined him speedily.

* * *

"Uh-oh," Sakura looked up at the sky as the wind picked up, noticing the ominous gray color for the first time. It was stupid of her, but she had been so wrapped up talking to Gaara she hadn't noticed the storm.

"Come on," she said to him, grabbing his hand as she ran downhill. "We'll get soaked if we don't get a move on!"

A clap of thunder signaled the start of the downpour. Not hard, exactly, but lots of it. It slicked down the grass, making the ground slippery. Sakura lost her footing and flew face first towards the ground. She had been running so fast that her feet left the ground, making her airborne as she pitched downwards. Gaara's hand slipped out of hers, although she sensed she had given him enough momentum to send him lurching downhill right after her.

Sakura was just about to hit the ground when something wrapped around her waist, knocking the air out of her as it yanked her backward, into Gaara.

The force of the impact stopped him as well and both of them landed uphill; Gaara flat on his butt, Sakura on Gaara.

By this time she was laughing uncontrollably, gasping for breath all the while because, as noted earlier, the wind had been knocked out of her. Still trying to regain control of herself, she happened to glance down in time to see a sand rope disintegrating around her waist. This wasn't what shocked the laughter out of her, though. That was caused by Gaara wrapping his arms around her from behind and holding her against his chest.

"Watch," he whispered into her hair.

Sakura watched. She twisted her head around to the best of her ability, but she had to be careful, because Gaara was still holding her and she didn't want to accidently break his nose or something.

Her mouth dropped open as she realized that sand was swirling around them. Within a minute, they were safely (and dryly) ensconced in a gritty egg and she laughing in amazement.

Perhaps, with all this laughing and gasping, Sakura was hyperventilating by the time Gaara released her and that was why her first action was to turn around and kiss him. She certainly didn't think about it first, she just acted completely on impulse.

It wasn't a deep kiss or anything. Just her pressing her lips to his briefly, but it sent Gaara into a state of shock. Almost as soon as she pulled away, he began to wonder if it had really happened or if he had made the whole thing up.

Sakura, completely unable to read the expression on his face, was mortified. She scooted away so they weren't touching any longer, stammering, "I'm sorry, I was just, I thought,"

This behavior puzzled Gaara even more, although it did prove to him that the kiss had occurred after all. "What? What did you think?"

The question made her think he was angry, and who could blame him? Sakura had never been more embarrassed in her life. She wished that their sand shelter offered a better place to hide, but she had to make due by facing the wall. "I just really like you," she whispered, her face the same shade of pink as her hair.

It may be safely said that nobody had ever said this to Gaara before. It may also be said that nobody had ever kissed him, that nobody had ever wanted to wander around town eating gizzards with him, and nobody had ever made him feel quite the way Sakura did. Describe this feeling? Well, kind of like he wished he had been paying attention when she kissed him. Or, even better, kind of like he wanted to kiss her again.

Sakura was feeling like she wanted to disappear and never be heard from again. _Stupid stupid stupid stupid,_ she repeated to herself, closing her eyes tightly. For some reason she thought she would cry if she looked at Gaara, as if the whole situation wasn't humiliating enough already.

Someone (well, Gaara, obviously) grabbed her arm. "Sakura,"

She opened her eyes, only to close them again as Gaara kissed her.

Something rather random occurred to him out of the blue. "You know, I've never been in a thunderstorm before."

The subject change matched up well with Sakura's emotions, which were really confused at the moment. "How do you like them?"

Gaara kissed her again. "A lot," he whispered, his lips twitching into what might have been a smile, if you squinted. "I like them a lot."


	4. A Bug Master in King Sasuke's Court

Twirlygigs and Gizzards: The Unlikely Continuation of an Unlikely Romance

Chapter 4: A Bug Master in King Sasuke's Court

Sorry about the sporadic updates. (I know I complain all the time, but I seriously have been busy.) Also, a few people thought this was over after the third chapter, so to clarify: The end of this story is a long way off. I will announce it with a nice long credits list and all. You WILL know when the end comes. Chou —Kallie S

* * *

Shikamaru had been very accurate in his description of The Tango Moca as a vaguely-Bohemian café. It served vaguely-artisan sandwiches, played vaguely-beatnik jazz, and brewed vaguely-urbane beverages. Squishy armchairs and couches dotted the dinning area just as vaguely-modern art dotted the walls.

The dampened Shikamaru, Sasuke, Rock Lee, Naruto, and Hinata ran in just as the storm started getting heavy, and sunk into the aforementioned seats around a large coffee table. After ordering the least-progressive-looking items on the menu, they lapsed into silence, watching the water cascading down outside the window.

"They should have gotten here by now," Lee said dubiously after their orders had arrived. "Do you think she's ok?"

Sasuke, seated at the head of the table in an armchair so large he was almost lost in it, bit his lip and watched a cat float through the flooded street. "I don't know. Shikamaru, are you sure she'll come back here?"

"Given that this is the closest shelter, yes," Shikamaru nodded, seated on a couch between Sasuke and Naruto and Hinata. "She was headed even farther away from civilization that we were, and I'd imagine that they want out of the rain as soon as possible, since her date is from the desert."

Sasuke, Naruto, and even Hinata winced, and Lee turned six different shades of green. Seeing this reaction, since Lee was across the coffee table from him and Hinata, Naruto turned to Shikamaru. "Could you use another word? One that makes a bit more sense?"

Now, Shikamaru knew what he meant, but just to be difficult, he said, "Since her date is from a large sandy place with very little annual rainfall, and he's probably not used to,"

Sasuke assumed the role of leader naturally due to his position at The Great Coffee Table. "I don't think we should use _da-_ _da_- the "D" word just now. After all, this is Gaara we're talking about. The vocabulary choice seems a bit inappropriate."

"It just doesn't fit," Naruto said, mostly for the benefit of Rock Lee, who had forgotten his worry over Sakura out in the rain for his worry over why she was out in the rain to begin with. "I know Sakura, and Gaara's not her type."

"Yeah," Shikamaru said, setting down his chai to enumerate Gaara's Un-Sakura qualities. "Brooding, angsty, no social skills, cool and collected, mysterious, possible tragic past, not the kind of guy she's attracted to at all."

Hinata caught his eye and giggled, looking over at Sasuke, but nobody else noticed the sarcasm.

"How's your sandwich?" Naruto asked Lee to change the subject, and because the blond had been eyeing his own sandwich suspiciously and wanted a second opinion before digging in.

"Everything tastes like ashes without her," Lee sighed, setting his food back down practically untouched.

"Mine's pretty good, actually," Sasuke said, taking a bite of a concoction the café had dubbed "Attack of the Killer Tomato Sandwich".

This gave the remaining diners courage, and they started to sample their own food.

"Come on, Lee-kun, at least try it," Hinata said gently, pushing his plate towards him.

"I can't." Lee sighed. "I'm too worried about her. Out in the rain with that... that... I should be protecting her! How can I live with myself, sitting nice and dry in a café, drinking cappuccino and eating Vegetarian Konohamburgers while the love of my life is trapped in a tempest, miles from shelter with a potentially dangerous enemy?"

"They didn't seem much like enemies to me," Shikamaru muttered very _very_ quietly into his salad. If any of the people around heard him, he wasn't sure he would make it out of The Tango Moca alive. They would figure it out on their own. Eventually.

"Well, if you're not going to eat that," Naruto asked hopefully through a mouthful of bread, making a grab for Lee's plate.

"Naruto!" Hinata laughed, pushing the plate back. "You're going to make yourself sick."

Naruto swallowed before answering, a gesture of politeness unheard of with anyone else he ever talked to. "But if I was sick you'd take care of me, right, Hinata?" he asked, leaning his head on her shoulder. "Stop by my house and nurse me back to health and all, wouldn't you?"

Hinata blushed. "Naruto-kun,"

"Gag," muttered Sasuke, sticking a finger down his mouth. "Naruto, I'm trying to eat here."

"Leave them alone, Sasuke," Lee scolded. "They're young and in love, and," Tears streamed down his face. "WHY CAN'T IT BE ME? Oh, Sakura! Why do you do this to me? When will you realize that we were meant to be? I can't stand this anymore!" he exclaimed, standing up. "I'm going out there to find her and escort her to safety!"

"Lee! No!" yelled the group, with Sasuke standing up and wrestling him back down.

"Try your sandwich!" Naruto urged. "They're good!"

"Why, thank you," said a young man behind the counter who was just taking off his apron.

"Shino-kun!" Hinata beamed. "What are you doing here?"

"My aunt and uncle own this place," he explained, leaning against the back of the chair opposite Sasuke. "I help out with the cooking once in a while." A bug scuttled across his cheek and into his hairline.

Sasuke slowly lowered his tomato sandwich. Shikamaru nonchalantly pushed his salad away, and Naruto returned the half of Lee's tofu burger that he had begun to munch on. Only Hinata was unaffected, taking bites of her gyro as she motioned for her teammate to join them.

"Is it someone's birthday today?" he asked, then looked more closely at the expressions on the faces around him. "My bad, did someone die?"

Without asking, he swiped Lee's Café Americana and took a sip.

"Sakura's out in the rain with Gaara," Sasuke explained glumly.

Shino spewed some coffee over the table. "I'm sorry, for a second there I thought you said Sakura... your teammate, was out in the rain with that creepy desert kid."

Naruto nodded. "That's the basics."

"Look, I've had a long shift, no jokes right now."

"Sasuke and Naruto-kun aren't joking, Shino," Hinata whispered.

"Hinata-chan, you're a sweet girl, but you're awfully gullible."

Shikamaru, Sasuke, Naruto and Hinata shook their heads. Lee just moaned a little and poked his gnawed sandwich, as if hoping it would come to life and explain why this was happening to him.

Through Shino's shades his eyes were invisible, but they did blink repeatedly in surprise. "So, how did we find out that Sakura is actually getting that well-groomed hair of hers soaked in the company of... wait, when you say Gaara, are you talking about _Gaara_-Gaara, or _Other-Previously-Unknown-To-Me_-Gaara?"

"Because Gaara's such a common name," Shikamaru snorted.

"Maybe you'd better explain," Shino sighed. "Although, I'm not sure I want to know."

Shikamaru scooted forward, not sure if he was curious or not. Naruto and Sasuke shrugged at each other, and began their tale of The Multiple Times They Caught Sakura and Gaara Hanging Out.

* * *

"Well, Chouji, that was a bust," Ino sighed, wringing out her hair before entering Team Asuma's collective household.

"She can't hide forever," Chouji assured her. "Hey, where's Shikamaru?"

"Eh. With him, who knows? Hey, you want to play a round of War?"

"Yeah, Ok."

* * *

"Strange, indeed," Shino murmured, taking yet another sip of Lee's beverage. The drink had been cold for quite some time, but Shino was weird about things like that and didn't seem to mind.

"So, will you join us in our quest for the truth?" Sasuke asked, not realizing how formal he was being.

"It would be an honor. I, too, am curious," Shino replied in the same overly-formal tone.

"Very well. Meeting adjourned."

"What about Sakura-chan?" Lee asked.

"Lee," Naruto clapped him on the shoulder in a fortifying way. "Sakura is an excellent ninja, quite capable of taking care of herself. She's probably been out of the rain for hours. There's bound to be some shelter Shikamaru doesn't know about."

Naruto thought he was lying through his teeth to Lee, but Sakura really had been out of the rain for several hours. In fact, she had been out of the rain longer than Lee and company had been.

* * *

"Is it still raining?" Temari asked anxiously as Kankuro checked the hotel window.

"Yeah. It's getting pretty bad."

"I'm worried... it's getting late, and he's never been out in a real storm like this before..."

"He knows what rain is, we aren't that sheltered... You're overreacting. He's always late, sis."

Temari grinned. "You're worried, too, Kan-kun."

"Yeah, duh. It is flooding out there... and he's such a _little_ bugger."

"I'm not _that_ little, Kankuro. It's not my fault you're freakishly tall."

Being in a better mood than his normal one, Gaara was noticing things that usually escaped him. Like how happy his siblings looked to see him back safe and only slightly moist. Or how Temari's gut reaction was to smother him in a cheap hotel bedspread while threatening him with pneumonia, which apparently is a condition caused by being slightly moist.

She was just plunking him onto the de-sheeted bed to better fuss over him in one of those fits of maternal instinct that Temari was sometimes prone to when she stopped, the oddest expression on her face.

"What?" Gaara asked as his sister's face turned red from suppressed laughter. All she could manage to do was shake her head wordlessly, so he turned to his brother for clarification. Kankuro motioned that there was something on the side of his mouth, so Gaara stood up, taking the bedspread with him like a cloak, to check the mirror.

"Oh..." Gaara muttered, wiping the lipstick off his mouth with the back of his hand and proceeding to turn red. He hid this sign of embarrassment by pulling the bedspread up like a hood, covering his face.

Temari recognized this as a signal that it would be a good idea to change the subject. "The realtor called while you were..." she bit down on her lip with a grin. "While you were out. We're buying the house in two days."

Gaara poked his head out from under his blanket. "Do I have to be there?"

"Nah, it's just a bunch of paperwork and lawyers." Temari grinned slyly. "Do you have another date?"

Gaara disappeared under the blanket in response.

"Please tell me you've graduated to calling them dates by now," Kankuro added. The blanket nodded.

"Well, no staying out too late," Temari said. "We're leaving for Suna the morning after."

"What about the house?"

"It's a summer home, not a permanent residence, and it's only mid-spring. We'll come back in a month or so."

The Gaara-blanket sneezed.

"Gaara's sick." Kankuro announced. "We shouldn't be moving him."

Temari snapped her fingers ironically. "What a shame. We'll just have to stay here all summer. Better safe than sorry!"


	5. Meh

Twirlygigs and Gizzards: The Unlikely Contiunation of an Unlikely Romance

Chapter 5: Meh

A short interlude that has little to do with the plot. At least, I don't think it has anything to do with the plot. I'm not entirely sure what the plot is yet. (Think of it as my making up for the lack of SakuGaar in the last chapter.)

* * *

"I'm sorry, Gaara, I really thought you were faking," Kankuro apologized, handing his brother another box of tissues.

"Meh," whimpered Gaara weakly, lifting a Kleenex to his nose just in time to sneeze violently.

"Well, this settles it," Temari decided, returning from the bathroom with a hot water bottle. "We have to move into this house ASAP. Nobody ever recovered from an illness while staying in a Best Eastern Budget Inn with his older siblings." She sat down on the bed and touched her sick brother's hand very gingerly. Sick Gaara could be dangerous; he got delusional very easily, and that sand of his could be paranoid when he was weakened. "Gaar-gaar, we're going to the Closing Ceremony. You stay here and get some rest, ok? We'll be back in no time."

"Meh," Gaara groaned. It might have been an "Ok, see ya soon." It might have been a "No! Don't leave me alone!" It might have been a "knick knack paddy whack, give a dog a bone." What Gaara was trying to say didn't matter, because he didn't have the strength to do much more than "Meh" weakly.

"Should we be leaving him here alone like this?" Kankuro asked his sister. Kankuro had a habit of subconsciously referring to Gaara as though he wasn't in the room. "I don't mind staying behind and watching him."

"Ahahahahahahahahaha," Temari laughed, the bitter laughter of the cynical and disillusioned. "I know what happens when I leave you two alone together."

"Meh," Gaara muttered.

"It's not like the damage was irreparable last time," Kankuro unwittingly translated.

"Define irre-," Exercising great self-control, Temari stopped the argument before they could start it up again. "It doesn't matter. You're coming with me. He'll be fine on his own. Hurry up, we'll be late." She grabbed her purse, and a knock came at the door.

"Hi... is Gaara-kun there?" the unexpected guest asked timidly when the door was opened for her.

"He sure is," Temari laughed, moving aside to let her in. "You must be Sakura."

She nodded as she entered the room, ignoring the siblings' curious and amused stares. "You were late, so I looked you up in the hotel registry," she explained flatly to Gaara. It took a little effort on Sakura's part to keep her face still, so cute was the image of Gaara and his gourd tucked into the bed next to each other.

"He didn't stand you up, Sakura-san," Kankuro (who, all told, is not a bad guy) explained, "He's sick."

"And we need to go," Temari said with an anxious glance at the hotel alarm clock. "Nice meeting you," she added, smiling brightly at Sakura as she dragged her brother out the door by the ear on his hood.

"Should we be leaving them alone together?" Kankuro asked as he was pulled down the hall.

"The brat can't even manage to say anything besides "meh" he's so sick. I'm sure they wouldn't be able to do anything, even if they weren't twelve-year-olds, and way too young to think that way,"

"That's not what I meant. Is she gonna be safe?"

"All he can do is _Meh_!" Temari sighed exasperatedly. "He's not exactly at his most dangerous right now."

"Actually, he could very well be..."

"Oh fricking well. If she dies, she dies. We're running late!"

* * *

Sakura suddenly found herself alone with Gaara. Fortunately, this wasn't something that bothered her much. With a affectionate smile, she stroked the sick boy's hair. "Poor thing. You have a cold?"

Gaara nodded. He got colds fairly frequently, and they were always bad like this, but they didn't get easier the more he got them. As Temari put it, you could be like Naruto and never be sick a day in your life, or you could have a Magical Protective Sand Shield, but it really wasn't fair to ask for both. "Meh," he added, by way of letting Sakura know he was glad she stopped by.

She leaned over to kiss him, but a small sand barrier imposed itself between them. She pulled away, looking puzzled and a little hurt.

"You'll... get sick," Gaara managed to croak. Sakura laughed a little and pulled a chair next to the bed.

"Don't worry about me," she told him, lifting his hand to her lips. "I'll be fine. You're the one who can only meh."

"Meh,"sighed Gaara.

* * *

"We're back!" Temari called as she fished around for her keys, more as a precaution than anything else. As mentioned before, sick Gaara was very paranoid, and somebody bursting into his hotel room unannounced was liable to be strangled before they got in the door.

"I don't want to see what's left of her," Kankuro winced, closing his eyes as his sister opened the door. "Wait," he sniffed the air as they walked in. "I smell tea... and Dimetapp."

"Well, better than blood," Temari giggled under her breath.

"Hush," Sakura murmured as Kankuro decided he might as well open his eyes. "You'll wake him."

Temari and Kankuro looked over at Sakura, sitting next to the bed and stroking Gaara's hair, then at each other. They started to roll their eyes, then began looking puzzled, then worried, then they simultaneously looked back at Gaara, who was lying on the bed with his eyes closed. Then they looked back at each other. Finally, Temari shook her head as if searching for some reassurance. Kankuro shook his head reassuringly. Temari nodded back. Kankuro nodded in return.

"I doubt he's asleep," Kankuro laughed. Sakura, who hadn't noticed the silent exchange between the two older siblings, looked over at him quizzically.

"Of course he is. He was out like a light after Casablanca," she explained, pointing across the tissue, Styrofoam teacup, and Dimetapp bottle-covered bed to the TV.

Temari rolled her eyes.

"Gaara doesn't," Kankuro started to say, but stopped. Sakura was staring at him, but he was looking past her. Gaara had opened his eyes and was watching his brother with the most beseeching, unhappy, pitiful look imaginable. When he saw that he had been noticed, he shook his head feebly and mouthed the word, "no."

Kankuro watched him for a second, then focused back on Sakura, "He doesn't like to sleep during movies."

"Aw, well, he's sick, I guess it can be excused," Sakura grinned, turning back to Gaara, to find him awake. "Well, good morning."

"Meh," Gaara greeted fondly. Sakura beamed at him.

"I should go," she sighed after a moment, "My parents will get worried. And now that there's someone here to take care of you, I don't have much of an excuse."

"We didn't mean to trap you here," Temari apologized. "You could have left."

Sakura shook her head. "It's fine. I didn't have anything planned for today, anyway."

"Meh," Gaara added.

Sakura lifted his hand and pressed it against her cheek. "Get well soon, ok?" she whispered.

* * *

Once she left, Kankuro grinned. "How long have you been sitting there quote-unquote 'asleep'?"

Gaara shrugged. "Meh."

"Didn't you get bored?" Temari asked.

The questions were going beyond those that could be answered with "mehs", so Gaara worked up his strength and coughed enough to clear his throat. "She was getting worried that she was keeping me awake. She was going to leave." When his siblings exchanged amused glances, he added quietly, "Kankuro? Thanks for covering for me. I don't want her to know about... everything. Not yet."

Kankuro couldn't remember Gaara ever thanking him for anything, ever. Not so much as for passing the salt at dinner. Still grinning, he patted the cold-victim's cheek. A few grains of sand pushed against his fingers, waiting, guardedly, in case he should for some reason decide that Gaara needed a good beating. He wondered if Sakura had noticed them, and what she had thought of it, if she had. "It's no problem, bro. No problem at all."


	6. The Logical Answer?

Twirlygigs and Gizzards: The Unlikey Continuation of an Unlikely Romance

Chapter 6: The Logical Answer?

A/N: Sorry for the delay, and thanks for the reviews!

* * *

"Hinata, I'm really sorry about this whole mess with Sakura and that sand kid," Naruto apologized. "I know it's been screwing with our dates and all,"

"No, I don't mind," Hinata whispered timidly. "I want to see Sakura and Lee-kun together, too... and she's you and Sasuke's teammate, you're worried about her..."

"Hey," Naruto whispered back, cupping her chin in his hand and turning her to face him. "I'd like to know what's up with Sakura, it's true, but I'd much rather be here with my Hinata-chan." He wrapped his free arm around her shoulders and kissed her.

They were in The Tango Moca, which was empty except for Shino, who was in the kitchen giving the couple some privacy and washing up dishes. The café had become the stalker group's base camp, but currently most of them were at Sasuke's, watching the Sand Sib residence for unusual activity. So far the mysterious trio had moved in, bought some furniture, and... that was about it.

Her mild jealousy of Sakura, revived from the days when she sat behind Naruto and watched him doodle "Naruto and Sakura" hearts on his desk in school (ironically, while she was doodling "Naruto and Hinata" hearts on her notebook), died back down with this little reassurance. She returned the kiss, drawing him closer as the door slammed open.

"Naruto! Shino, Hinata," Sasuke called out as he and Lee walked in, "hurry up, they're on the move!"

"What's that now?" Naruto asked cluelessly, not taking his arms off Hinata, as if hoping that his friends would leave soon and they could go back to what they were doing.

"Gaara's left the house," Lee explained excitedly. "Shikamaru is following him right now, but we have to hurry, or we'll lose him. Where's Shino?"

"I'm right here," Shino said, coming from the kitchen, wiping soapy hands off on his gray jacket. "Shall we go? We have no time to waste."

As luck would have it, before Naruto and Hinata even managed to process what was going on, let alone disentangle themselves, the door swung open once more, and Kiba rushed in, looking around outside as if he was being followed before pulling it shut. He spotted Hinata and Naruto together on the couch and pushed their heads down so they were no longer visible from the window.

"What is wrong with you two? Do you want to be seen?" he hissed, trying not to move his lips and peering out the window at random intervals.

"Kiba-kun, what's," Hinata started, but Akamaru cut her off with a short bark from her teammate's coat.

"You and Naruto have to hide," Kiba said in an undertone. "because..."

"Hey, I don't mean to be rude," Sasuke said, knowing full well that he was being completely rude and didn't care. "But we're going to lose Shikamaru."

"Kiba can come, too," Lee suggested. "As long as we're moving."

Kiba jumped, noticing the green-clad boy for the first time. "You told _Rock Lee_?" he hissed at Hinata. "What on earth is wrong with you? Don't you know who's team he's on? And you, Shino! Letting her! Why don't you just send out postcards that say "Hinata now dating Uzumaki Naruto, please act accordingly"?"

"Kiba, relax, he's on our side," Shino said with a shrug. "And he doesn't even care, he's busy thinking about-,"

"Doesn't care! On OUR side? Shino, you dope, I just got back from-,"

The back door slammed, and Shikamaru came running in from the kitchen, breathless. "They're... coming... this way," he panted.

"They?" Sasuke said, going ashen. "As in, Gaara and,"

Shikamaru nodded.

"Hide, quick!" Shino suggested. "We can't be seen!"

The kids scrambled frantically about, looking for hiding places in The Tango Moca. Hinata, Naruto, and Kiba crammed themselves into a tall, empty cupboard that sat behind counter and was only there for appearances. Shino and Shikamaru slipped behind the kitchen door. Lee and Sasuke stood in the middle of the room, feeling clueless, until Sasuke noticed a large potted plant in a huge tribal vase and ducked behind it, pulling Lee with him.

Not a second after Lee yanked his yellow legwarmer out of sight, the door opened once more, and Sakura and Gaara strolled in with their arms around one another's' waist.

"That _can't_ be," Kiba whispered. Naruto wiggled his elbow to communicate the concept of "Shut up, Kiba" in the cramped space.

Sakura leaned over the counter, staring into the kitchen, which of course appeared empty, as Shino and Shikamaru were carefully concealed behind the door.

"Hello?" she called, receiving no response sans a faint rustling, like somebody stuck in an uncomfortable hiding place. She didn't pick up on this.

"Maybe they're on lunch break," Gaara suggested.

"And they're eating out?" Sakura asked. "Odd thing for a restaurant owner to do... maybe the food isn't all that great. I always wonder about health food tofu burger type places, anyway."

Shino tried to start forward, but Shikamaru held him back, whispering, "it's ok, take it easy, the food's good."

Gaara shrugged. "We just came here for a place to sit down... and since there's no one else here, what's to stop us?"

Sakura grinned. "We don't really need coffee to talk, now, do we?" she asked playfully.

The closet, kitchen door, and potted plant all gave off the distinct impression of listening closely. Just talk, they seemed to be thinking. Talk about why you've been hanging around together. Just a hint, that's all we ask... just talk a little...

Sakura rested her head on Gaara's shoulder.

"What's she doing?" gasped Naruto quietly. Kiba kicked at him to communicate the concept, "shut up, Naruto."

It soon became clear what she was doing as the audience watched her hands travel in opposite directions; one up along Gaara's chest, the other under the gourd and around his waist.

Even Shikamaru, who had anticipated something like this, was watching with bated breath.

Gaara turned so they (i.e. him and Sakura, not him and Shikamaru) were face to face, their bodies pressing against each other, and kissed her.

The closet door swung partly open, then quickly swung back shut. Sakura and Gaara didn't notice, being busy making out.

"Promise me something," Sakura whispered after a minute.

"Anything, Sakura."

"That you'll never get sick again," she said, leaning closer until their lips brushed. "I miss kissing you too much."

"I promise, then. As long as you're there to kiss me, I'll never get sick."

Outside, a group of rather loud kids stopped in front of the door, discussed going in, but decided to find somewhere cheaper. Sakura and Gaara, paused listening to the exchange, looked at each other.

"Let's find somewhere a little more private," she suggested, and, still pecking each other on the cheek occasionally as they walked, the couple exited.

The cupboard door gave way and spilled out Naruto, Hinata, and Kiba in a pile. Shino and Shikamaru emerged from behind the door, both shaking a little, and Sasuke inched out from behind the plant.

"Lee?" Naruto called out. "Are you ok, man?"

Very slowly, Lee scuttled into view, looking like his grandmother had just been murdered by circus clowns. "I... I need coffee," he said finally, collapsing.

* * *

Shino managed to steady his hands enough to prepare a shot of espresso while the others worked on regaining Lee's consciousness. "Here, drink," he commanded gently, tipping the little recycled paper cup to his friend's lips. "You've had a bad shock, caffeine will help."

"I can't believe it," Kiba said. "I just can't... Sakura's such a babe! Why is she...? I mean, Gaara! Surely she can do better."

Akamaru whimpered in concurrence and snuggled deeper into his master's jacket.

"That scene would have been so sweet," Hinata said. "If it wasn't so... creepy."

"Yeah," Shikamaru agreed quietly. He was whiter than milk, and visibly shaken. Sure, he had figured that Sakura and Gaara were dating, but actually seeing them together, together-together, it did something to him. He hadn't been prepared for the reality. "Really creepy."

"I don't understand," Lee moaned, having been revived by the espresso. "Not Gaara. It's impossible."

"Yeah, really," Naruto said. "Talk about an anti-social kid. I mean, I've talked to him, he's off his rocker. Right, Shikamaru?"

"Completely unhinged," Shikamaru agreed. "Not the kind of guy who goes to coffee shops with Haruno Sakura."

"How did this happen?" Lee asked hopelessly. "Why is it happening? There must be something we're missing. Sakura-chan and Gaara of the Desert didn't just hook up one day and decide to start dating. It defies logic!"

"It does," the others agreed.

* * *

"Ino, say what you will, Aru's Market still makes the best hotdogs in town," Chouji said, holding up his hotdog reverently.

"No doubt, no doubt," Ino agreed. The duo, since they couldn't find Shikamaru, were lying around the backyard, enjoying one of those lazy summer afternoons that youth is meant for. They had just bought some lunch, and were munching on it as they stared into the fence that separated Team Asuma's property from that of their backyard neighbors.

"Y'know," Ino said, tossing a stone over the fence idly, "the people who own that house have been trying to get rid of it for years... I've always wondered if that had something to do with Sensei living behind them."

"It _is_ a nice house," Chouji nodded, following Ino's example and tossing a rock over. It made a splashing sound on the other side. "Sounds like they got a pool."

"Hey! Who threw that?" yelled a voice from over the fence. Ino and Chouji gulped as little black kitty ears, followed by the unmistakably painted face of Kankuro the Sand Kid, poked up over the fence.

Ino and Chouji looked at each other.

"What are you doing in the Takatoris' backyard?" Ino asked, by way of changing the subject.

"I... live here?" Kankuro replied, feeling as he did so that the new backyard-neighbors may not be the brightest.

"Well, howdy, neighbor!" Ino grinned cheerfully. "Welcome to Konoha! I'm Ino, this is Chouji... and you're Kankuro, right?" Without giving him a chance to answer, she pressed on slyly, "I think you know one of my friends, Haruno Sakura."

"Yeah, I know her," Kankuro managed to affirm before being interrupted by Chouji.

"Yeah, aren't you dating her or something?"

Ino barely managed to stop herself from hitting him. Didn't this idiot know how to conduct an investigation?

"Don't pay any attention to him, Kankuro-kun—,"

Now, listen carefully to what is about to occur.

Kankuro, hearing Chouji's question, went about correcting them. "You mean Gaara."

Ino, thinking he was replying to her statement, thought she had gotten his name wrong, and he was correcting her. "I'm so sorry!" she exclaimed, "I got you mixed up with your brother!"

"No biggie," Kankuro laughed, thinking she had realized that it was Gaara, not he, going out with Sakura (even though Ino had realized no such thing). "But I have to tell you, no one's ever done that before. We're not really much alike."

Ino shook her head. "No, I know, I just got a little confused. You know, we saw your brother talking to Sakura the other day. I was kind of worried for her."

"You were not," Chouji started to say, but Ino elbowed him viciously in the stomach.

"Yeah, he can be a creepy kid," shrugged Kankuro, "but Gaara really likes her, so,"

Ino giggled in what she hoped was a nice way. "Does Gaara always refer to himself in third person?" she asked.

Kankuro thought this was something of a non sequitur, but at least it was an accurate one. "When the mood strikes him."

Ino smiled. "Cute."

"I guess."

"I bet Sakura thinks it's cute. She's a weirdo."

"You have to be to date anyone from my family."

"Not giving yourself much credit, Gaara."

"Kankuro," Kankuro corrected.

"... I thought you were Gaara."

"No, I'm Kankuro, Gaara's my brother."

"So, you're Kankuro."

"Yes."

"I thought you said you were Gaara."

"No, I'm Kankuro."

Ino pondered this. "You said Gaara likes Sakura..."

"He does."

"So, you're Gaara?"

"No, I'm Kankuro."

"And you're dating Sakura,"

"You're thinking of Gaara."

"But, aren't you Gaara?"

"No, I'm Kankuro."

"But you just said,"

"Wait," Chouji yelled. "I'm confused!"

"Me too!" Ino and Kankuro yelled.

Ino took a deep breath. "Your name's Kankuro, and you're dating Sakura."

Kankuro shook his head.

"You're Gaara," Ino tried again.

Kankuro shook his head. "No, I—,"

From behind the fence, a screen door closed. "Kankuro? Gaara?" Temari yelled. "Either of you want to come help me move this furniture?"

"Just a second, Temari!" Kankuro yelled over his shoulder. "Hey, I'll see you guys around, ok?" And he disappeared over the wall, leaving Ino and Chouji no closer to the truth.

* * *

"I think I understand," Lee whispered. The others turned to him nervously. He was looking a little feverish... maybe the coffee hadn't been the best idea.

"You've figured it out?" Sasuke asked.

"Yes. He's after me."

The group blinked. "Gaara?"

"Yes! Don't you see? He's been eerily obsessed with me ever since the Chunin preliminaries, and since killing me outright backfired on him, he's systematically destroying my life, starting by stealing the woman I love."

"Oh, come on," Kiba said in a heartening voice, although you could tell he was shook up. "He's not that insane..."

"Actually..." Shikamaru gulped. "Well, he's not _normal_,"

"And Lee hasn't exactly made his admiration of Sakura a secret," Sasuke added.

"Yeah, but, man, that's _cold_," Kiba said. "Lee hasn't done anything to him to deserve this."

"He almost beat him," Shikamaru said.

"But he didn't," Naruto said. "He lost, and bad."

"Not that bad," Lee said quietly.

"Yeah," Sasuke said, "Gaara completely kicked his ass to Kingdom Come. You'd think publically humiliating the guy would be enough,"

"Hey now," Lee tried to interrupt.

"But now that he's got Sakura, what's he going to do with her?" Shino asked. "She's a high-maintenance girl, and he's not a high-maintaining guy."

"She doesn't realize he's after Lee," Hinata whispered. "She thinks it's real..."

"She must be pretty desperate," Kiba said. "I mean, _Gaara_."

"She likes him, Kiba," Hinata said, blushing for no particular reason, "If he breaks up with her... especially if he's cruel about it,"

"The bastard wouldn't dare!" Lee gasped, sitting up. "He couldn't harm such a beautiful flower! Surely even he can see how precious she is! How can you not?"

Naruto raised an eyebrow at Sasuke. "I don't know. Maybe the Uchiha can tell us."

"I like Sakura just fine!" Sasuke objected. "I want her to be happy as much as anyone here. That's why I've been helping set her up with Lee. I'm not playing matchmaker for kicks."

"I cannot allow him to break her heart!" Lee exclaimed, having wandered into his own thoughts and not come out. He stood, pushing the coffee table back. "I swear, I will avenge Sakura and myself."

"How're you planning to do that?"

"I will kill Gaara of the Desert, and if I die in the process, then so be it."

The kids looked up at him uncertainly. "But... not really, right?"

"Don't worry, he won't kill me."

"Uh... Lee-kun," Hinata whispered anxiously, "You're tried this before with him, and it didn't end well... I mean, maybe... there's another way?"

Lee knelt before her. Something about the Tango Moca made people melodramatic. "Fear not, dear, sweet Hinata. I will prevail, for I am good, and Gaara is evil."

"Or something," Shikamaru muttered under his breath.

Lee rounded on him. "Quit taking his side!"

Naruto was looking a little resentful of the attention Lee had been bestowing on his girlfriend, and scowled as Lee returned to his monologue to her.

"I must defeat him. If he is after me, he will stop at nothing. Not only will the lovely Sakura be hurt, but all those I love are in jeopardy. Tenten, Neji,"

Kiba snapped his fingers together, "That reminds me why I came in here in the first place."

"Not now, Kiba," Lee said, "I'm making a dramatic speech."

"No, this is more important," Kiba assured him. "Naruto, you have to hide. Neji knows and he's coming after you."

Naruto and Hinata looked at each other. "He... knows? How could he?"

"Kiba, are you sure?"

"I'm dead sure. I was just walking out to a practice court, minding my own business, when I spot him and Tenten walking out the other way, looking pissed, and talking about killing someone and hiding the body. And there's only one person in this world that Neji would really want to kill, and that's,"

"Hinata's father?" Shikamaru suggested.

"No, you dope, ME!" Naruto said, smacking his pal upside the head. "Well, and Hinata's dad, but he's not going to try that, because her dad scares the shit out of everyone, even Neji."

"All right, we need to prioritize," Shino said. "So far, Lee needs to avenge his love by taking Gaara out, and Naruto needs to hide to avoid having Neji take _him_ out. I may be a little biased because I'm on Hinata's team and she's my favorite person ever, but... Lee, Sakura isn't in any immediate danger... Naruto is. Neji's a madman."

"And boy did he looked pissed," Kiba added.

"And I think our first mission should be to hide Naruto from all avenging cousins."

Shikamaru pondered this. "Something I don't get, why is it such a big deal for Hinata to be dating Naruto?"

"Neji's crazy," Sasuke explained. "Not as crazy as Gaara, but more given to random acts of violence, especially if he feels that someone is threatening someone he cares about, vis, Hinata."

"And... how is Naruto threatening her?"

"He doesn't... like me," Naruto said sheepishly. "We've had some disagreements..."

"Anyway, to make a long story short," Kiba said, "He doesn't think Naruto's good enough, and he's said as much."

Sasuke pounded his drink on the table to call attention to himself. "Very well. Hinata and Naruto need leave separately for now and Naruto needs to arm himself in case of chance confrontations... Shikamaru and Lee and I will walk him home. Kiba, Shino, you go with Hinata. Meet at my house tomorrow. Naruto, arrive at 10. Hinata, 10:45. We'll trail Gaara and try to solve this Neji's-After-Naruto's-Blood thing. Meeting adjourned."


	7. The Collective Destiny of Team Gai

Twirlygigs and Gizzards: The Unlikely Continuation of an Unlikely Romance

Chapter 7: The Collective Destiny of Team Gai

OR: Everything Your Siblings Do For You

A/N: As always, thanks to all my reviewers! Your comments are really very helpful, especially when I get stuck on something (as I was on this chapter, for a while). If it wasn't for you, this story wouldn't exist at all.

* * *

"Sakura, I need you to watch the kids today."

"What?... But, Mom! I can't! I've got plans for today!"

"Well, then cancel them. Family first."

"This isn't fair!"

"Deal with it, Sakura. I need you here, your little friends can go for one day without you."

"Mom!"

"_Sakura_."

* * *

The meeting of the Committee for the Investigation of the Sakura and Gaara Affair was well under way. At the suggestion of Lee, Naruto, and Hinata, the others had brought their own refreshments along with supply of paper plates and utensils; they had seen seen Sasuke's kitchen, and they didn't trust anything that had spent time in it. Hinata also invested in an economy-sized bottle of disinfectant.

"There! Look, the door's opening!" Lee exclaimed. The others abandoned their picnic on the dusty old bed and crowded around the window. "Someone is exiting the house."

"That's Kankuro," Kiba pointed out. Lee wasn't listening.

"Subject is walking to the street. He is picking up the newspaper... subject is looking this way! Repeat, subject has spotted us!"

The surveillance team, as a group, vanished from sight, ducking under the window sill. After a moment, Lee poked his head up again.

"Danger past, subject is retreating... he is entering the house, door is closing... subject is no longer in sight."

With the climax of this dramatic moment over, the others looked at one another.

"Lee, I'm curious," Shikamaru said finally. "What would you have done if that had been Gaara?"

"Well... um... I would have... um..."

"He would have confronted him of course, baka!" Naruto exclaimed. "He would have jumped through this window and smashed his fist straight into his creepy, Sakura-stealing face!"

Sasuke looked over at Lee as though _he _come up with this plan. "Hey! Let's remember, these are my neighbors! I'm going to have to live with them after your "revenge", you know!"

Lee, outraged, threw a potato chip at him. "Sasuke! How can your standing with that family of- of-,"

"Psychotic, life-destroying serial killers?" Shino suggested helpfully.

"Yes, them. How can you care more about what the Sand Siblings think of you than you care about the honor of your devoted and beautiful teammate?"

"Um... have any of us seen Gaara yet today?" Hinata asked suddenly. The room grew very very quiet.

Lee moaned, his imagination taking flight in the silence. "What if... he spent the night... at her house?

"I'm pretty sure her parents would have a problem with that," Naruto assured him.

"Hey, how's she going to react to you killing her boyfriend, Lee?" Kiba asked. "Remember, she kinda likes him. A lot."

"I hadn't thought about that..." Lee said, sucking in his breath. "But I cannot allow him to simply use her like this! I have to stop him somehow!"

"We should probably try to warn her," Sasuke butted in, "let her know that Gaara isn't being sincere... you know, gently."

"And if Gaara has somehow managed to slip by our impenetrable watch, we can at least guard her," Naruto added. "We should be protecting her, for when he begins to put his evil plans into motion."

"To Sakura-san's house!" Hinata exclaimed, standing up. The group, now gung-ho about defending Sakura, began to break camp.

Something crunched in the next room, a la a campfire ghost story.

"What was that?" Shino whispered, almost dropping the Coke bottle he was holding.

Crunch.

"...we... haven't seen Gaara at all today," Hinata reminded everyone.

"And Kankuro might have seen us earlier," Kiba added.

Crunch.

"Stop making so much noise," hissed a girl just outside the door. "We're trespassing with the intent to murder, here!"

"I'm telling you, nobody lives here," a young man hissed back in an low, irritable voice.

"Then why are you whispering?"

"...to humor you? Look, this place is deserted, half the rooms are locked, it's covered in dust,"

Crunch.

"There are pop cans all over the floor," the girl added sarcastically, "because mice drink pop,"

"So, kids break in once in a while and hang out, big deal. Do you want to get even or not?"

The committee went pale and sucked in its' breath.

"Temari and Gaara...?" Kiba suggested quietly, eyeing the exits.

"Did you hear something?" the boy in the hall asked. Hinata and Naruto cried out and jumped into each others' arms as the door began to open, slowly... slowly...

"NEJI? TENTEN? What are you doing here?"

Naruto and Hinata stood quivering in the corner, trapped, hoping they wouldn't be noticed.

Tenten rounded on Neji. "I TOLD you we were trespassing!"

"And I'm telling you, nobody lives here," Neji repeated patiently. "They're probably just having a party."

"Actually," Sasuke stood, eyeing Neji coldly. "I live here."

"In the old Uchiha place?" Neji asked skeptically, then thought about what he had just said. "Oh... I guess that makes sense."

"So, since we've established that you're trespassing on my ancestral property," Sasuke said, trying to keep Neji and Tenten's attention on him and away from the NaruHina corner while the couple worked out an exit strategy (difficult, as Neji and Tenten were standing in the doorway), "what are you two doing here?"

The others crowded around Sasuke, trying to look interesting and eye-catching.

At Sasuke's question, Tenten actually upstaged Neji for once, standing dramatically before the group.

"Temari of the Sand, my bitter arch-rival, has taken a summer residence across the street, providing me with the perfect opportunity to settle an old, old score between the two of us," she explained, staring bitterly at the house visible across the street.

"You mean how she kicked your ass in the Chunin Prelims?" Shikamaru asked.

"YES! Ever since, I've sworn to avenge myself on that arrogant little hermaphrodite and her stupid-ass fan."

"And I'm just along for the ride," Neji added with a shrug.

"Funny thing, that," Sasuke mused, "Because Lee here is convinced that her youngest brother is out to systematically destroy his life, starting with taking the woman he loves, and he's vowed that the little blighter won't leave this town alive."

Tenten's eyes lit up, and she rushed to her thick-browed teammate's side, taking his hands earnestly. "Lee! This must be DESTINY!" (Neji did the "Destiny Rocks" double thumbs-up, which is somewhat similar to the Nice Guy Pose.) "We, Team Gai, are meant to destroy the Sand Siblings! From the very beginning, we have been pitted against them,"

"And I'm just along for the ride," Neji threw in.

"Actually, Neji, you're probably going to end up finishing the job for your fallen teammates," Shikamaru said, "I mean, we all know how the last Tenten-Temari and Lee-Gaara fights ended,"

"Shut yo' mouth!" Tenten and Lee snapped.

The rest sweat-dropped. "Yeah, we're going to want someone capable of intervening around for this one," Shino decided.

"Preferably someone more capable than the guy at the Prelims," Neji laughed, "That guy couldn't've recognized the impending death of a competitor if the grim reaper was following them around wearing pink silk boxers, right, Hinata-sama?"

Hinata had a total meltdown. "HOW— how did you know I was here?"

Neji glanced around like he might be missing something. "I saw you when we walked in?"

Hinata curled into a fetal position, and Naruto wrapped an arm protectively around the fetal-Hinata and pulled a kunai out of his back pocket defensively with the other.

Neji stared at his little cousin uncertainly. "Uh... Hinata?"

"_I can't run anymore, I can't run anymore,_"

Neji turned to the others. "Is she... um..." He put his thumb and forefinger to his mouth as though smoking a marijuana cigarette. "you know,"

"Of course not!"

"Just wondering... because, well, Tenten and I did find a bong in one of the other bedrooms."

"Which one?" Sasuke asked sharply.

"Uh... the one with the StarWars sheets."

"I knew it!" Sasuke whispered to himself.

"So, if she's not stoned," Neji continued, "What's,"

Hinata rose to her feet and stood protectively in front of Naruto. "Nii-san," she said, rather boldly, for Hinata, "Naruto-kun and I are in love, and no matter what you or anyone else thinks, no matter what obstacles we must overcome, I still love him. And if you kill him, you'll have to kill me first."

Neji, confronted by such courage and pure emotion, blinked. "Are you sure she's not stoned?" he asked Sasuke.

Hinata closed her eyes, but kept her head held high. "If you hurt Naruto, be prepared to kill me, first," she repeated.

"And if you plan to touch Hinata, you'd better be ready to kill me first," Naruto growled, standing beside her.

Neji, now thoroughly confused, turned to the group behind him for clarification, only to find an array of weapons and jutsus-in-the-making pointed at him. "What the hell is going on here?"

"Don't try to get out of this, we know you're after Naruto for daring to touch Hinata," Shino growled.

"What?"

"They're in love, and we won't let you stop them. You'll have to get by all of us."

"...so, you're saying that Naruto's dating Hinata?"

Sasuke nodded, uncertainly lowering his shuriken.

"That's great!" Neji smiled, turning back to Hinata and Naruto. "I was wondering when you two would get down to it!"

"You... you mean, you don't want to dismember me and make it look like an accident?" Naruto asked hopefully.

"Of course not! There are few, if any, people in this world I consider more worthy of my Hinata than you."

"But..." Naruto blushed a little at the praise, "I thought you said,"

"Oh, no. I said that if you hurt her I WILL kill you, and no one will be able to mistake it for an accident by the time I'm done, but as is, you're fine."

Naruto laughed. "If I do hurt her, you'd better get in line, because Kiba, Shino, Kurenai, Sakura, and some little seven-year-old I've never seen before in my life named Hanabi all have dibs on making my death long and painful."

"So I guess you're stuck with me?" Hinata whispered in her boyfriend's ear.

"Pretty much," Naruto winked back.

"Well, good!" Neji grinned, enveloping Hinata in a giant hug. "And you, cuz! I'm so proud of you! Just standing up and saying, "screw my fiancé! Living my own life is more important!" That takes a lot of guts I didn't know you had!"

"Fi-fiancé?" Hinata stuttered, bewildered. "What fiancé?"

"Oh," Neji released her in the embarrassed fashion of somebody who had just said something he wasn't supposed to let leak. "Sorry... I could have sworn one of you girls had an arranged marriage going on... maybe I'm wrong."

"Do you remember who it was with?"

"No... I'm probably wrong, it's probably Hanabi or someone else... just forget it."

Hinata nodded thoughtfully. "Sasuke-kun, may I use your phone?"

"Oh, sure, go ahead."

Hinata left the room, and the rest sheathed their various weapons.

"... do you two want some chips or anything?" Lee asked his teammates.

"I thought you'd never ask!" Tenten beamed, sitting down and taking a chip. She held it up to her mouth. "Oh... um..."

"Don't worry, Kiba brought them," Naruto assured her. She and Neji proceeded to chow down.

"Hi, Daddy!" Hinata's voice chirped from the hallway. "Yes, it's me... yes, I'm still alive... No, Daddy... yes... yes... no... yes... look, um, I have a really stupid question. You know how nii-san's always spreading crazy rumors about us? Well, he just told me the silliest thing. He said... yes, Daddy."

"So, Lee," Neji asked, apparently deaf to anything being said about him outside the room. "Why are you after Gaara, again?"

"Therein lies a tale," Lee said.

"And a long one, at that," Naruto added.

"This is what, the fourth time we've told it?" Sasuke said.

"WHAT?" Hinata gasped outside. "I mean um... ok... who...? Really? Ok, thank you, Daddy. Goodbye!"

Hinata re-entered the room.

"Well?" Tenten asked after a moment, grabbing another chip.

"Well, I am engaged," Hinata sighed. Everyone in the room gasped sympathetically. Hinata and Naruto were just so sweet together, the Konoha Kids just hated to see them doomed like this. "The good news is," Hinata continued, "my future husband is one Uchiha Sasuke."

Sasuke froze in place, a bean-dip covered tortilla chip halfway to his lips. Hinata knelt in front of him.

"Sasuke-san, I ask that you give me my freedom," she requested.

In case Sasuke was considering the wrong answer, Tenten, Neji, Naruto, Lee, and Shino all drew threatening fingers across their throats.

"Of course," Sasuke stuttered, unsure why this formality was necessary. For God's sake, he didn't care what _anybody_, especially Hyuuga Hinata, did with their love life, as long as they kept him out of it!

"Thank you!" Hinata whispered, snagging a chip out of the bag as she rejoined Naruto in the corner.

Something had been trouble Kiba ever since Tenten's entrance, causing him to uncharacteristically quiet and pensive. Finally, in the silence that followed the severing of Sasuke and Hinata's engagement, he voiced his concern.

"Wait," he said. "Did you say Temari's a hermaphrodite?"

* * *

During Tenten and Neji's entrance and the conversation that followed, Gaara, unaware that he was being stalked by his neighbor, had walked out his front door and turned down the street, towards Sakura's house. No one noticed him.

"Hey, Sakura! Your _boyfriend_'s here!" Maki called tauntingly upon opening the door and finding Gaara.

"Well, let him in, don't be rude!" Sakura called back, making her way to the door.

This threw Maki a little; he was used to his sister vehemently denying that she had ever spoken to a boy. Unprepared to retort, he moved aside and let Gaara pass.

"All right, kids!" Sakura said when she saw him, "This is my friend Gaara, and he's going to stay here and help me deal with you today, so be nice, got it?"

The couch giggled, a pair of blue-green eyes poking out shyly from behind it, then hiding once again.

"What's that thing on his back?" Maki asked, pointing. Sakura turned red and slapped a hand against her forehead.

"It's a gourd," Gaara explained. Shoko peeked out from behind the couch a little, to observe better.

"Like a pumpkin or something?" Maki asked, looking skeptical. "How'd you get a pumpkin to grow like that?"

"Well, it's actually made out of sand, so it's not really a gourd, but there is a kind of gourd that grows like this on its' own."

"Weird," Maki breathed. Shoko took a small step beyond her hiding place. "What's in it?"

"Sand."

"Why would you want to carry sand around?" the little boy asked, sticking out his tongue.

"... Because I get homesick," Gaara said, sitting down next to him on the floor. Sakura winked at him, and Shoko, grinning, took a few more steps forward, so she was completely in view.

Sayu, the baby, was playing nearby on the floor, and, gurgling happily, she took her pacifier out of her mouth and winged it at Gaara's head. Or maybe she wasn't aiming for Gaara's head, she could have been trying to hit Maki or Sakura, it was hard to tell.

Sakura winced a little and prepared to snatch Sayu out of any harm's way. Her little siblings really were a disaster waiting to happen.

The pacifier bounced off a small patch of sand that had appeared mid-air and landed harmlessly on the floor. Gaara picked it up, dusted it off, and returned it to the baby. "Oh, and it does that, too," he told Maki.

"Cool," Maki whispered, his mouth hanging open.

* * *

"The real question here is how did they afford the Takatori place?" Tenten asked as the group at Sasuke's discussed the situation with Sakura, Gaara, and Temari. "I mean, it is a _nice_ house, and they swooped in here and bought it and furnished it without breaking a sweat. That can't have been cheap."

"And why do we care?" Shikamaru asked, tossing a chip in the air and catching it with his mouth idly.

"What if they made the money illegally? What if they're involved in something big? We could cash in on that, somehow..."

"I don't think they made it illegally," Sasuke said.

"Yeah," Naruto threw in, "I heard that their parents died and left them with more money than God."

"Word on the street is, their father's rich and doesn't love them, but he does feel somewhat guilty about not loving them, since their his kids and all, so he makes it up to them by giving them whatever they ask for," Sasuke shrugged.

"The way I heard it, he's afraid of all of them, so he just lets them get away with whatever," Shino said.

"If my daughter had a wiener, I'd be afraid of her," Kiba said with a shudder.

"Uh, Kiba, I don't think Temari's _really_ a hermaphrodite," Shino said.

"Tenten said she was."

"Yes, but she meant it as, oh, never mind."

"So, now that all of us are up to scratch," Lee said, "We need to formulate a plan!"

"Yes!" Tenten agreed. "Sasuke, do you have any paper? We're going to need to write all this down! This is going to be a difficult operation."

"Yeah, we're running out of bean dip, too," Naruto noticed. "Some of us should make a run to the store or something."

* * *

"I'll make a man out of you 'cause I'm a woman! Double-U Oh Em A En!" Temari sang to herself as she tossed her laundry back into her dresser.

"I can't tell you how disturbed I am right now," Kankuro, who had been sitting on the bed for half an hour, told her.

"I didn't ask you to come sit in my room."

"I was... worried."

"Really?" Temari dropped her underwear unceremoniously in her drawer and sat down next to her brother. "What's wrong?"

"It's Gaara... you know, he hasn't told that Sakura girl about..."

"Shukaku, he can't sleep without being possessed, he gets off on killing people, his family's crazy, he's convinced that no one is capable of loving him,...?" Temari filled in.

"All of that, yeah... and what if she doesn't take it very well? He's been doing so good since he met her..."

"You're worried he's going to get hurt?"

"Yeah... He's so fragile... a stiff wind could knock his self-esteem over."

Temari smiled sadly and wrapped an arm around Kankuro. "I know... but I don't know what we can do about it. We can't protect him from everything. He needs someone like Sakura."

"If she was the kind of girl that would understand, I'd feel better. He doesn't need any more heartbreak."

Temari sighed. "None of us do... he's been at her house for a few hours now, right?" Kankuro nodded. "Let's go pick him up. We can at least talk to him... I'm not sure about what, but it can't hurt."

* * *

So, determined to discuss their concerns with their baby brother, Temari and Kankuro traveled to Sakura's house. Once again, no one at the Uchiha Mansion saw them leave.

Sakura, Gaara, Maki, Shoko, and baby Sayu were still on the floor. They were making a sand castle, courtesy of Gaara's unique chakra.

"Ooh, ooh, can we put a turret right here, Gaara-san?"

"Of course!"

Someone knocked on the door.

"I'll get it!" Shoko offered. Shy as she was, she liked answering the door; she liked the importance of interviewing potential guests.

Temari and Kankuro smiled at the little girl answering the door.

"Hello, sweetie. Is Gaara here?"

Shoko nodded and pointed to the room behind her.

"I wish we had some seashells," Sakura remarked, "Sand castles aren't the same without seashells."

"No, they aren't," Gaara agreed.

Sayu crawled over to the outer wall of the castle and stuck her pacifier against it. It fell, and she picked it up and slammed it more forcefully. It stuck for a moment, then fell again. Frustrated, Sayu handed the toy to Sakura, who smiled and tried to stick it to the wall herself, with similar results.

Gaara smiled and took the pacifier from her, holding it against the wall carefully. A little sand molded around the toy, keeping it in place. Sayu clapped her hands delightedly.

"Mr. Gaara-san!" Shoko called. "Your brother and sister want to talk to you."

Temari's eyes widened when she saw the smile on her brother's face. Kankuro squeezed her hand.

"'Mari?" he whispered while Sakura and Gaara kissed goodbye (much to Maki's disgust) and cleaned up the remains of the sand castle.

"I know, Kan-kun," Temari whispered back.


	8. Comfort and Condolence

Twirlygigs and Gizzards: The Unlikely Continuation of an Unlikely Romance

Chapter 8: Comfort and Condolence

A/N: Well, first, I'd like to announce that about a month ago, Twirlygigs and Gizzards reached it's 10,000th hit! (And since then has gone onto have 10,724-ish!) Wow... I'm... just, blown away. Thank you, all of you, so much, for making this story what it is... I'm hoping that you know by now, being the ones who created it and all... I'm still trying to figure it out, myself.

* * *

The walk back to the Sand residence was quiet, almost awkwardly so.

"Is something wrong?" Gaara asked, looking up at his brother and sister. "Temari? Kankuro? Is everything all right? Why did you come to get me?"

"Oh, everything--," Temari sighed and squeezed Kankuro's hand a little tighter. "Everything's fine, Gaar-gaar."

"We just wanted to spend some time with you," Kankuro said brightly, noting unhappily that his sister had been put out of commission, leaving him alone in this. "We haven't gotten to see you much lately, bro. You've been spending all your time with this Sakura girl."

"I know... I'm sorry, I didn't know you wanted me around."

"Of course we want you around!" Temari exclaimed, and Kankuro felt he shouldn't correct her. "You're our baby brother, you're a part of everything we do."

"But that doesn't mean that we have a problem with Sakura," Kankuro added. "We're glad you met her."

"Me too," Gaara whispered. "I like Sakura."

Kankuro felt that this was a bit redundant, but said nothing. "Why don't I make us something to drink when we get home, and we can... hang out and talk..."

* * *

The three sand siblings sat around their dinning room table, their hands wrapped around the root beer floats Kankuro had whipped up.

"So, Gaara," Kankuro tried again to break the topic on his own; he knew that Temari would join him once he got the ball rolling. "We were thinking about Sakura,"

"What about her?" Gaara asked, his expression studiously innocent.

"You and her, well, really seem to get along..."

Gaara watched the ice cream melting in his glass. "Yeah..."

"And, well, Temari and I kind of thought... if this relationship is going anywhere, you know, long-term, maybe... it would be best... I mean, there are things,"

"Gaara," Temari broke in. "We love you. I know you don't believe me when I tell you that, and I don't know where you got the idea that we don't, but we do, very much. And we want to see you and Sakura be together, if it makes you happy, but we don't want you to have to... hide who you are."

"I don't have to hide around Sakura. She knows who I am," Gaara said simply. "She may be the only person who knows who I am."

Kankuro sighed miserably. He had grown up alongside his little brother, and he knew exactly what Gaara meant. People looked at him and Temari, and most of all, at Gaara, and they saw rumors, gossip, and urban legends, and formed these those into three children who looked like Temari, Kankuro, and Gaara, but otherwise had nothing to do with the trio. Gaara had it the worst, and Kankuro could imagine how wonderful it felt for him to be around Sakura, who just thought of him as another boy, who made an honest attempt to get to know him.

"Yes, Gaara," Temari said (Kankuro knew that she understood, as well), "But..."

" There are things she needs to know," Kankuro threw in.

"You need to tell her about Shukaku," Temari clarified.

Gaara sighed. "I know... she needs to know... because," he grinned up at them. "if you think about it, she's kind of dating him, too."

Later, Temari and Kankuro agreed that this was just about the creepiest thing they'd ever heard.

* * *

It was a little after midnight, and all the Haruno household was asleep. Sakura had left her window open to let in the night breeze, as the days had begun heating up for summer, and a tiny sliver of moonlight fell across her sleeping form.

A tiny pebble hit against the window frame, making a little wooden "ping". Sakura turned over in annoyance without waking up.

Another pebble hit. The sleeping Sakura moved an arm over her ear, blocking out the sound.

A third pebble flew through the air, missed the frame and kept on sailing, through the window and into Sakura' s bedroom.

Gaara heard the "Ouch!" and saw Sakura come to the window, a kunai in her hand and a red lump on her forehead.

Sakura rubbed the sore spot left by the rock that had awoken her and stared suspiciously outside when Gaara appeared next to her window, supported by a small floating island of sand that formed a chakra balcony off of her window.

"Gaara?!" Sakura gasped, lowering her voice to a self-conscious giggle. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to talk to you," he replied, his spirits lifting as only Sakura's smile could make them. He grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the window. "Come with me... I don't want to wake you family."

Sakura pulled back, blushing in the dark. "Wait," she whispered, "let me put on some pants first."

Gaara nodded. Sakura watched him for a second. "Well? Turn around."

"Oh..." He turned his back obediently as Sakura set to covering her floral-print panties with some pajama pants.

"Ok, ready," she whispered, climbing out the window onto the sand platform.

* * *

Gaara liked to remain outwardly neutral in the little arguments that his sister and brother had continuously throughout the day, so though he never would have admitted it, he agreed with Kankuro. Tree houses (especially the one in their new home) were pretty awesome.

"This is so beautiful, Gaara-kun," Sakura, another appreciator of tree houses, whispered as they sat against the wooden walls, watching the crescent moon rise behind the leaves.

"Sakura-chan, there's something you need to know about me," Gaara said after a moment, still unsure how he was going to explain all this. (Usually his explanations were designed to be menacing, and they did the job quite well). "I'm... I'm different from other people. Before I was born my father... placed this... evil spirit inside me. He hoped to make me strong, so I could protect our village, but... instead I was just a freak... a monster born to destroy,"

"You're not a monster, Gaara-kun," Sakura said quietly, laying a cool hand against his cheek. "You're a human being, and having Shukaku stuck inside you doesn't change that at all."

Gaara gasped. "You-- you knew about Shukaku?"

Sakura laughed gently. "Of course. We have a little saying here in Konoha; a secret shared by Naruto is never a secret. Once he found out, it was all over the village in hours."

"So, all this time-- you asked me to hang out with you, knowing what I am? You weren't afraid?"

"Why should I have been afraid? I wasn't challenging you to a fight or anything... now, _that_ would have been scary."

"And--," Gaara just could not wrap his brain around this. "Everyone knew? But, just a few days ago, I saw those friends of yours, Ino and Chouji, at Aru's, and they smiled at me... they were _nice_ to me. Do they know?"

"Yes, they know," Sakura assured him, gently amused.

Unable to comprehend all this, a sob wrenched itself from Gaara's confused little throat, and he flung himself at Sakura, wrapping his arms around her neck and burying his head against her chest. "All my life, everyone's always been afraid of me," he whimpered between sobs. "They've always hated me... even my father... they wanted me dead,"

Sakura cooed sympathetically and wrapped her arms around the crying mess that was Gaara, rocking him back and forth. Sakura knew a lot of boys, and her experience with Naruto and Sasuke had taught her one thing; the only difference between a boy and a little child like her siblings was a little testosterone. Deep down, they really just wanted someone to hold them.

"Poor baby," she crooned, stroking his hair, "I heard about your father... and your mother, too... it must have been so hard for you, growing up like that... poor baby... poor angsty baby,"

"Sakura-chan," Gaara whimpered. Sakura squeezed him tighter. She wanted to hold him until his pain went away. She could almost see it, like he was bleeding; he was in so much pain... He had been hurting so badly for a such very long time... she wanted to heal it, make it all stop. And so she held him.

"So, you knew everything?" Gaara asked as his tears were slowing. "How I can't sleep and everything?"

Sakura gasped. "You can't sleep?!"

* * *

At 3:00 am, Adult Swim began rerunning and Temari, her "stories" over with, turned off the TV and began to lock up the house and prepare for bed. She paused as she walked by the glass doors that lead to the backyard. That pool sure looked inviting in the moonlight... too bad Kan-kun was right, she didn't know how to swim. Something told her that deciding to take a little jaunt into the water at this hour of the night would lead to some interesting yet morbid headlines in the next morning's paper. She carefully slid open the door.

"Skinny Dipper's Gruesome Corpse Retrieved from Private Pool," she joked to herself, padding silently across the quiet patio. "Body was unidentifiable. Home's owners have no comment. In other news, Temari of the Sand, one of the most illustrious kunoichi from Suna, has been reported missing," She dipped her foot into the water, watching the starlight reflected on the surface ripple. "She was last heard watching cartoons at 3 in the morning. Her family is... less than frantic, although her brother Kankuro has offered a root beer float to anyone with information leading to her recovery. Her other brother, Gaara, was unavailable for comment, as he was allegedly seeking comfort from his alleged girlfriend. The brothers deny any connection between her disappearance and the body fished from their pool this morning. "I'm certain my sister didn't have breasts," Kankuro assured reporters."

Temari stared at the water, once again still and calm. She added, slowly, not so lightly, "When informed of the situation, the Kazekage replied, "It can't be missing. I saw some in the fridge this morning."(see footnote) Lord Kazekage is scheduled to take a senility test next Thursday..."

Her voice trailed off, and, as though entranced, she leaned forward, holding her arms in front of her in a diver's pose. She bend her knees slightly, as though preparing to spring, closed her eyes, took a deep breath...

Suddenly, she laughed, straightening her body out, and dipped her foot into the pool once more, kicking some water across the surface. "Man, I've got to stop watching Foolie Coolie and Eva back to back," she muttered to herself, continuing her journey across the yard to the old maple tree.

* * *

Sakura and Gaara were cuddled peacefully in the corner when Temari's spiky blond pigtails poked their way over the threshold. As silently as she was capable of, she climbed the last few rungs of the ladder and into the tree house, making her way, quiet and ninja-like, over to the two children. Sakura was asleep, and Gaara, his eyes closed, was listening to her breathing, trying to match his own to hers. Temari knew, because it was a game that he used to play at night when she and Kankuro were tired, when they were little... before everything followed their uncle straight to Hell, anyway.

She shook Sakura's shoulder gently, whispering, in her very best maternal voice, "Sakura, sweetie, put your shoes on. We're at Grandma's house."

"Hubduh... five more minutes, mom,"

"Sakura-chan, Sakura-chan, come out to play!" Temari chanted in her ear. Sakura awoke, looking around her confusedly. Gaara opened his eyes, looking vaguely disappointed.

"Temari,"

"Come on, wake up, both of you," she insisted with a sardonic smile. "you need to take Sakura home before dawn, Gaara-chan."

* * *

As Sakura was about to climb back into her bedroom through the window, Gaara noticed something sticking to her hair and pulled it out. A twirler.

Sakura felt the tug at her hair and turned around. Gaara held it up long enough for her to see what it was, then tossed it over the edge of their sand platform. The little seed pod spun gracefully around and landed quietly on the ground below.

* * *

Reference: Tamari is a type of soy sauce.


	9. Treehanger

Twirlygigs and Gizzards: The Unlikely Continuation of an Unlikely Romance

Chapter 9: Treehanger

A/N: SakuGaar is such a crack pairing, even Naruto doesn't believe it!

I like the word "ravish".

* * *

Sakura and Gaara reached the end of the 600 block of Tenth Street and turned towards downtown.

"No little kids today," Sakura said happily, resting her head against his shoulder. "We can do anything we want."

"Can we go somewhere where we can be alone?" Gaara asked softly. But not softly enough. From behind the hedge that formed the border of the Uchiha's yard, nine kids went pale.

"He's not going to—," Sasuke stuttered.

"I don't believe it," Kiba said, shuddering.

"He's really going to go through with it," Naruto said, stunned. "I didn't think he really would—,"

"He's going to to lure her away from help, then ravish and brutally murder her?" Hinata quivered.

"And Sakura is such an innocent, she'll never suspect his motives... she'll fall right into the trap," Shino sweated.

"The bastard!" Neji exclaimed.

"How could he?" Tenten asked, her expression that of an intrepid hero who has just realized the extent of The Villain's evil.

"We're lucky we caught them today," Shikamaru said. "At least now you guys can keep an eye on them."

"And you too, Shikamaru-kun," Hinata added innocently.

Shikamaru rolled his eyes. "Yeah, me too."

"I cannot allow him to do this- this-," Lee choked trying to find the right word. "Heinous, despicable thing! I must hasten to her rescue!" he yelled, bursting through the hedge. "Uh-oh... where'd they go?"

* * *

They had gone to Aru's to pick up a custom picnic basket and plan their next move. (Sakura was all for an isolated waterfall reasonably close-by.

Ino and Chouji, once more unable to locate Shikamaru, had decided to sit on Asuma's roof and spy on Kankuro and the Sand Sib's house. But to do this, first they needed hot dogs. And there was only one place in Konoha for hot dogs.

"Ino! Chouji!" a frantic voice hailed them as they approached the entrance. They looked around.

"Over here!"

Ino stared at the assortment of hair styles poking up from inside the dumpster in the alley that Aru's Market shared with the next store over. "What are you guys doing in there?" she asked..

"We're stalking Sakura," a voice near the spiky blond and ebony hairs said. "Get in here, quick, before they come out!"

"Ew, gross."

"No, it's empty. Trash pickup was this morning."

"Still..." Ino took a revolted step back.

"Look, Ino, Chouji, Sakura may be in danger." said one of the other hairstyles. "Gaara is trying to get her alone, and we think it's so that he can ravish and brutally murder her, thereby beginning his vendetta against Lee, and he can't know we're onto him, so, please, **get in the dumpster**!"

"What?" Chouji asked.

Sasuke appeared. "Gaara of the Sand has been da- da- hanging out with Sakura. In his quest to get at Lee, he is making the woman Lee loves fall in love with _him_ so that he can break her heart, or at least ravish and brutally murder her."

"You sure?" Ino asked. "Because he seems nice enough to me."

The dumpster gaped at her.

"I mean, we knew they were dating, but... why would he want to get Lee? That's more the kind of thing I'd expect out of Kankuro."

"Ino, have you lost your mind?" the dumpster snapped. "Kankuro's the normal one, Gaara's the nutcase!"

"Whoa, whoa," Chouji interrupted. "So, Gaara's the one Lee fought, and Kankuro's the one with the face paint who doesn't do much."

"Yes."

"And Gaara's trying to get Sakura alone to murder her,"

"Ravish and brutally murder,"

"Yeah, that, because it will hurt Lee."

"Yes."

"Oh, well, don't worry," Chouji shrugged. "She's dating Kankuro, she'd never wander off with his brother."

"She's not dating Kankuro!" yelled the dumpster in nine voices.

"She's definitely got it for Gaara," Akamaru and Kiba's hair said.

"But he doesn't really love her," Lee added, a little pleadingly. Tenten patted his arm.

"So she's two-timing on him!" Ino exclaimed. "And with his own brother, nonetheless! The whore!"

"HEY!" Lee sprung into sight, ready to attack Ino, but was stopped by Naruto and Sasuke's arms, which appeared and pulled him back out of sight. "She's not a whore! She's a delicate flower caught up in the twisted games of—"

"Where are you getting all this stuff about Kankuro, anyway?" Kiba's hair asked. "We've never even seen them talk to each other."

"A few weeks ago we saw her totally chewing Gaara out about how he treats Kankuro, and he didn't do anything," Ino said.

"You were there, remember, Shikamaru?" Chouji said. "We thought he was going to squish her like a pink-haired bug. And the logical reason both that she blew up like that and that he didn't retaliate is that she's dating his brother, so she felt she needed to stand up for Kankuro, and Gaara felt that he couldn't kill her!"

The dumpster began to speak from the vicinity of Shikamaru's ponytail. "Yeah, that would make sense... but more likely, since these occurrences with Sakura and Gaara have only started after that incident, and since I've never heard of her having anything to do with Kankuro, she was in a crappy mood because Naruto and Sasuke were picking on her," Naruto and Sasuke's ears turned red. "So she took it out on Gaara. He didn't kill her immediately because he realized that here was his chance to get at Lee, his arch-rival for whatever reasons make Gaara tick... don't ask me, I'm a strategist, not a psychologist."

"So..." a look of comprehension was dawning on Ino's face. "No Kankuro?"

"No Kankuro."

"Sakura's in danger!" Ino gasped.

"YES!" Naruto exclaimed, standing and pounding on the outside of the dumpster urgently. "Now GET IN THE DUMPSTER! QUICK!"

Chouji looked ready to jump in, but he looked over at Ino first, and she hesitated. Suddenly, the door to Aru's opened from the inside, and she swallowed her pride, and she and Chouji clambered in, not a moment too soon.

Had they not used their lightening-fast reflexes, they would have been spotted by Genma and his girlfriend, who had just left Aru's... and who knows what kind of catastrophe that would have caused.

"Ok, false alarm," Neji assured everyone after a quick survey of the surroundings. Eleven hairdos and twenty eyes peaked out over the edge of the dumpster. (Hinata was too short to clear the edge completely.)

Genma looked casually over at the bizarre waste management method that Aru's had put into effect, and decided he didn't want to know.

"I don't think he saw us!" Tenten sighed with relief.

"You know it wouldn't have mattered if he had seen us. I don't think the entire village is conspiring to help the creepy sand kid ravish and brutally murder Village Sweetheart Sakura," Shikamaru said.

"I know, but I've got a reputation to defend!" Tenten said. "I don't want to be known as that girl who hangs out in dumpsters!"

"So, why are we hiding?" Chouji asked. "Why don't you just confront Gaara in front of everyone?"

"Keeping the carnage down to a minimum of eleven-ish dead?" Shikamaru suggested sarcastically to Ino. Lee heard him.

"Shut yo' mouth!"

"The real reason is that we—," Sasuke motioned at Lee, indicating he was the hero, "have to rescue Sakura from him after he's made his move, otherwise she won't believe us, and we'll just drive her right to him."

The door opened again, and everyone ducked once more.

Sakura and Gaara turned down the road out of town... into the forest.

* * *

On a nice sunny hillside, not far from the very spot where they had had their first kiss, the couple stopped to enjoy the solitude of the day.

"Sakura..."

"Yes?"

Gaara wrapped his arms around her waist. "I just like saying Sakura."

Sakura giggled and kissed his forehead. They stayed in that position for a moment, Sakura's lips against his skin, their eyes closed, taking in each other's presence and the beauty of the day, the warmth of the sunshine, the sound of the wind rustling through the branches of the single tree on the hill, a few yards away from them.

Ok, it wasn't the wind rustling the branches...

"Move it, Neji-wedgie, you're squishing me!"

"I can't help it, Chouji's crowding me!"

"I- can't– breath— Sasu–,"

"Shh!"

"Oh my god, is she really kissing him? Sakura, girl, what are you thinking?"

"Oh, my sweet, sweet Sakura, why are wasting your precious kisses on that unfeeling animal?"

"Dude, don't let that she-male sister of his hear you say that,"

"Kiba, I don't think Temari's a hermy,"

"If she messes with Lee, she'll have to get by me first! We have unfinished business!"

"Seriously, could we have picked a worse spot to hide? Hinata's turning blue. Sasuke, move your ass before she suffocates."

"It's a drag, but it's the only cover. Now be quiet!"

Sasuke inched closer to the trunk so Hinata could breath, Chouji shifted a little, forcing Shino to shift, forcing Kiba to shift, which stuck Hinata back in the airless position she had been in before all the movement. The tree branch groaned.

"I think I've got a branch stuck in my ear..."

"Be quiet!"

"But it really hurts..."

"Shut up!"

* * *

"Sakura..."

"Gaara..."

Gaara smiled at her. "You're so amazing..."

Sakura smiled back. "And you're so wonderful..." she sighed. They leaned in to kiss one another, their mouths moving closer and closer...

And with a tremendous cracking noise, a thick branch on the tree behind them snapped off, and eleven voices and one panicked dog shrieked in terror as they plummeted to the ground in a giant, surprised heap.


	10. And the Verdict

Twirlygigs and Gizzards

Chapter 10: And the Verdict...

Warnings: Small amounts of SasuSaku angst ahead. Also, remember the warnings about crack pairings in the first chapter.

* * *

"Naruto? Sasuke? Ino?" Sakura looked around in shock at the pile of friends and casual acquaintances lying in a twisted heap at the foot of the tree. "What on earth are all of you doing?"

Every head in the wreckage twisted around to stare expectantly at Naruto and Sasuke. Naruto looked over at Sasuke, to find Sasuke also staring expectantly at him. He gulped and worked himself free. "We were just... in the area, and,"

Sakura placed her hands on her hips. "Were you _spying_ on me?"

The entire group stopped trying to stand up and looked at each other. All began to murmur something along the lines of, "No, of course not, that's ridiculous," refusing to meet Sakura's annoyed glare.

Finally, Naruto helped Sasuke to his feet. "Yeah, we were spying on you," the dark-haired boy admitted. "I mean," he pointed at Gaara, "Who is _this_?"

Sakura glared at him and wrapped an arm around the Sand Nin. "This is Gaara. I'm dating him."

"We know he's Gaara, we aren't stupid," Kiba said. "The question is, why are you dating _him_?"

Sakura felt Gaara recoil next to her. Just when he had been starting to feel accepted, these idiots come along. But just because they were morons didn't mean that she wanted them lying dead on the hillside in bloody, sandy little pieces. She had to intervene. She tightened her grip on Gaara's shoulder.

"I'm dating him because I like him. Duh," she declared, kissing him on the cheek. "Now, will you please get out of here?"

"No," Lee shouted. "Sakura, don't you see the danger you're in?"

"No, Lee, I don't."

"But, but, Sakura-san!" Hinata squeaked.

"Sakura, you can do so much better!" Ino said.

Sakura glared coldly at her. "I don't see how. All the other boys I know are nothing more than stalkers."

"But we were trying to protect you!" Sasuke said.

"And what's wrong with Lee, anyway?" Chouji asked.

"Nothing's wrong with him!" Sakura explained exasperatedly. "I'm just not interested in being with him! I mean, nothing's wrong with Tenten, but you're not dating her! Look, I have the right to date anyone I chose, and that happens to be Gaara, and there's nothing you can do about it!"

"I told you we'd drive her right to him," Shikamaru sighed.

"Sakura, have you thought about why Gaara's interested in _you_?" Shino asked calmly. "Why would a boy who has repeatedly stated that he loves only himself allow you to drag him around like a pet?"

Gaara broke away from Sakura and stepped forward to explain himself. "I— it's because... Sakura is," Frustrated with his inability to put his feelings into words and hurt by the others' rejection, he turned away and began walking downhill, away from everybody. "Forget it."

"Gaara!" Sakura dashed after him, intercepting him before he got too far. "Hey, forget them," she said gently, kissing him. "Who cares what they think?"

"They're your friends. You care what they think."

"Not this time," she assured him. "Not this time."

"Sakura, get away from him!" Tenten yelled. "He's only using you to get at Lee!"

"That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard!" Sakura yelled back at the approaching group. "Why would he want to get at Lee?"

"Because of the Chunin Prelims!" Lee explained. "Please, Sakura, I know that it is hard to realize you've been deceived by someone you once loved."

"Like finding out that all of your friends have been stalking you so they can break up you and your boyfriend? Yeah, I know."

Lee blinked, but soon recovered his romantic disposition and placed his hands on her shoulders, turning her away from Gaara. "I know you're having trouble accepting this, I know you're hurting, but I will be there for you through this... and always."

"Are you DEAF?" Sakura shrieked, yanking herself away. "I'm sorry, Lee, but I'm not interested in going out with you! I've got a boyfriend now! Why do you people have so much trouble wrapping your brains around the idea of me and Gaara as a couple?"

"Sakura, let's think real hard about what you just said," Neji suggested dryly.

"What? What did I say?"

"Gaara is creepy!" Kiba finally explained. "How on earth could you be attracted to him?"

"KIBA!" Sakura yelled, appalled. Gaara glared angrily at him, one hand reaching for the cork in his gourd, but Sakura knocked his hand back.

"Please, Gaara, just ignore them."

"You're lucky my chick's here, man," Gaara muttered at Kiba. Sakura laughed shakily and hugged him, and he brushed some of her hair back behind her ear.

Shikamaru had been lingering behind the others, formulating at plan. Now he emerged from the rabble. "Ok, so you two are dating. We accept this,"

"What?" gasped the others. Shikamaru glared at them.

"We accept this," he repeated emphatically, "but even so, Sakura, we'd like to talk with Gaara alone. We don't know much about him, and we all care about you, and we just want to get to know the guy you're with."

Sakura looked uncertainly at Gaara. He kissed her ear. "I can take care of myself. Don't worry."

Sasuke stepped up next to Sakura. "And, Sakura, I want to talk with you... alone."

He lead her off, out of sight from the rest of the group.

* * *

"Sasuke, I can't believe you believe that ridiculous story Lee and Naruto came up with about him using me for revenge or whatever," Sakura began angrily. Sasuke shook his head.

"I don't, not really..." He stopped walking and turned her to face him. "Sakura, I'm going to be honest. I don't like Gaara, and I don't like the idea of the two of you together."

"Well, what's wrong with him then?"

"I... I don't know, really," admitted Sasuke, "I just,"

"I expected jealousy from Naruto and Lee, but not from you," Sakura told him. "I thought _you_ at least would be grateful go be rid of one more fangirl."

"Sakura, those things that Naruto and I said, we were just trying to make you angry so that Lee could comfort you,"

"I'm not talking about that. You've never liked having me around,"

"I didn't want to be rid of you, Sakura."

"No, Sasuke-kun. You did. But now that I'm gone, you want me back. It's as simple as that."

"You don't understand," Sasuke said desperately. "I need you, Sakura. I've always needed you... I have trouble, telling people things like this, but, when I know you're behind me, everything is better, the sky is bluer, the water is fresher, the world is safer, because Sakura is there for me," Sasuke broke off, blushing. "I"m sorry, I'm talking nonsense. I just don't want to lose you."

Sakura laughed gently and hugged him with all her might. "Sasuke," she whispered in his ear, "You haven't lost me. I have a boyfriend now, but I'm still your teammate. I'm still here for you."

Biting down on his lip to keep from crying, and very very glad nobody else could see him, Sasuke returned the embrace.

_Sasuke, you and Naruto are closer to me that brothers. Nothing can separate me from you. Know that as long as you need me, I will be there for you._

_I will always need you, Sakura. You are closer than a sister to me. I can never repay everything you've given me, but know this; as long as there is breath in my body, I will be there for you._

"Gaara, you seem like a straightforward guy, albeit a psychotic one, so we'll be direct. We're on to you."

"On to what?" Gaara asked blankly.

"Don't be coy," Shino said. "All of us here love Sakura."

"You should," Gaara nodded.

"Look," Naruto said, "I don't know how they do things where you come from, but around here, if you have a problem with someone, you confront them, don't go sneaking around behind their back and pulling in people who aren't involved."

Gaara looked over at Neji, who, through an oversight, was standing next to Hinata.

"Oh shut up," Neji snapped.

"The point is," Ino said, "You have no right to toy with Sakura. If you need to prove something to Lee, come right out and say it to his face."

"What would I need to prove to Lee?" Gaara asked. "I already defeated him once."

"That's true," Chouji nodded, munching on some chips that he had stolen from Sakura's picnic basket.

"It was a close match," Lee objected quietly, his ears turning red.

"It was," Gaara agreed with a shrug. "But if anything, he would have a grudge against me, in which case... trying to take Sakura from me... I would be willing to fight him on any terms he chooses, but... I can't lose her."

There was a long pause while the Konoha kids considered their next move. Finally, Lee stepped forward and hugged Gaara.

"I think my nervous system's had enough shocks for one day," Kiba said to Shino.

Lee leaned his forehead against Gaara's so their eyes practically crossed, but met. "I can recognize real love when I see it, and you love Sakura the way she deserves," Lee said. "Granted, you may not be as skilled at expressing that love as I am, but you haven't trained under someone with the Power of Youth and Spring and Sunshine and Roses, so I'll allow it. Now, you see everyone behind me?"

Gaara nodded.

"Well, you're one of us now, ok?"

Gaara smiled.

"And if you hurt Sakura, we'll kill you."

The others cheered in agreement. "Yeah, that's right, Lee!"

"Gaara, we're gonna murder you!"

"Welcome aboard!"

"They'll never find your body!"

"Naruto and I are going to a movie next weekend, do you and Sakura want to come along?"

Sasuke and Sakura returned in the midst of this celebration, their arms around each other's waist. Sasuke's eyes were very puffy, but he was smiling, and he kissed Sakura once on the forehead before releasing her and turned to Gaara.

"If you ever make her cry, you're going to find out that I'm not such a good neighbor," he warned simply, patting him on the back.

"You're my neighbor?" Gaara asked.

"All right, Kankuro! The map says that the waterfall is about half a mile from here," a distant voice said.

Tenten's eyes narrowed as her arch nemesis came into view alongside Kankuro.

"Hey, Gaara!" Temari called cheerfully. "Who are all your little friends?"

Gaara shrugged.

"Temari of the Sand!" a determined voice called. Tenten stepped in front of the group, fire in her eyes and a katana in her hand. "You and I have unfinished business!"

Temari smiled wryly. "Tenten," she whispered, shaking her head condescendingly. "Kankuro," she addressed her brother without turning.

"Yeah?"

"Get out of the way," she suggested.

Kankuro stepped back and Temari pulled her fan off of her back.

"Still playing with that little toy air conditioner, I see?" Tenten snarled. "When are you going to start using a real weapon?"

"Silly little Leaf girl likes to play with Samurai swords," Temari laughed.

"Eat steel, bitch!" Tenten yelled, springing forward.

Temari just laughed and swung her fan upward, preparing to strike.

Neither blow landed. When the dust cleared, Temari's fan and Tenten's katana were both being pushed away from their opponent by Rock Lee, who had intervened and stopped the weapons with his arms.

"Lee?" Tenten whimpered, her eyes widening as a trickle of her teammate's blood flowed down the blade of her sword.

"I'm sorry, Tenten, but I had to stop you. You've become mad with revenge... and I cannot allow you to fight this angel,"

"Angel?" Temari and Kankuro gasped.

Tenten shook her head and lowered her blade. "Here we go again."

"What the hell is Lee doing?" Naruto asked.

"He's going after Temari, apparently," Neji shrugged.

"What?" Kiba asked. "But what about Sakura and how her face will forever be etched in his mind and all?"

Neji patted Sakura' head. "Don't take it personal, sweetheart. Lee's very... fickle. He has a tendency to fall madly, passionately, hopelessly in love until she rejects him and he finds someone else. When we were in school nothing on earth could keep him away from Tenten... it was wicked awkward being on a team with them for a while."

Lee knelt before Temari, taking her hand and kissing it, hearts in his eyes. "My dear, sweet, lovely Temari, forgive me for not noticing your beauty immediately. I was so blind... but I will make it up to you. Anything you ask of me, I will do. I will protect you with my life, only say that I have a chance to win your love."

Temari laughed nervously, looking to Kankuro and Tenten for support, but both of them just shrugged. A crafty smile appeared on her face and she looked back to Lee. "Lee-kun... do you know how to swim?"

Lee nodded. Temari's smile widened. She helped him to his feet and ran her fingers gently over the wound Tenten's sword had made. "Let's get you bandaged up, and maybe... you could teach me?"

"Yeah, um, we've got a pool," Kankuro yelled up at the assembled kids. Ino shook her head.

"Let me handle this one, Kankuro-kun," she suggested. "HEY EVERYBODY! POOL PARTY AT THE SAND SIBS'!"

"SWEET!"

Only Kiba hung back as the rest celebrated having new friends with a pool and no adult supervision. Shino tapped him on the shoulder. "What's wrong?"

"I'm not sure I want to see Temari in a swim suit."

"Kiba..."

"What?"

"Nothing."

* * *


	11. Fall

Twirlygigs and Gizzards

Chapter 11: Fall

A/N: Sorry about the wait. This is a short chapter, but I planned it that way.

I'm leaving for college this fall, which might have a lot to do with the way I introduce this chapter. (Sorry, I just realized that.)

* * *

Three months later. The leaves were just beginning to tint themselves orange, red, and yellow, the first suggestion of the spectacular autumn just around the corner. The maple trees had once again begun sending twirlers down, coating the roadways and paths with a thin layer of paper that turned into showers of wings when kicked at.

The Konoha bunch, that is to say, Naruto, Hinata, Sasuke, Kiba, Shino, Ino, Chouji, Shikamaru, Tenten, Neji, Lee, and Sakura, were all out on the stretch of street that separated Sasuke's property from that of the Sand Sibs. All were wearing their swimsuits, as they had planned.

You could tell by looking at them that they had spent the summer hanging out, swimming, partying, doing teen stuff. They were all tanned and/or sunburnt (let's face it, some of them have skin types bordering on albino), their hair was visibly lighter from the time in the sun and chlorine, and they all had the muscle tone that comes not from training but from being active for fun.

But, try as they might to postpone the inevitable, summer was over, and the Sand Siblings had to return to their home until next year. The pool was drained for the winter, the ice cream in the fridge had been eaten the night before, the doors and windows were locked up, and Temari and Kankuro, their suitcases on their backs alongside the weapons, were outside saying their goodbyes.

"I'm going to miss you guys so much!" Ino was telling Kankuro.

"Yeah, don't forget to write! You have all our addresses, right?" Chouji asked.

"Of course... but only if you promise to write back."

"Don't write to Shikamaru, then..."

It wasn't one of those sad goodbye parties. For one thing, they knew that they would see each other again soon. For another, everybody except the two from Sand were wearing swimsuits, and it's really hard to feel sad when standing around in a swimsuit.

Sakura was doing a good job with it, though. She kept staring at the house, waiting for somebody to come out of it. But nobody did. And finally, she just had to ask. "Temari? Is Gaara coming out?"

Temari shook her head. "He left last night."

"What? Why?" Sakura began to balance on the thin line between anger and depression.

"He doesn't like long goodbyes. Or sitting around a house with no food in it, for that matter."

"But..." Sakura stared at her feet, which had occupied themselves kicking at the twirlers on the ground. "He could have said goodbye to me, at least..." she whispered.

Temari smiled wisely and led Sakura away from the others. "Sakura-san," she said kindly, "Gaara sometimes does stuff that... doesn't make a whole lot of sense."

"But, he forgot about me... I wanted to see him," she sighed, aware of the little gift sitting in her leg-pouch, the person it was meant for long out of town.

Temari shook her head sympathetically. "I'm sure he wanted to see you, too, but it would have been very difficult for him to say goodbye to you."

Sakura blinked back tears. "Yeah, well, goodbyes are always tough, but it's better than not saying anything at all! What if I never see him again?"

"You're not letting me finish. Sakura-san, you know how when you don't use your foot for a long time, it falls asleep? And then it hurts to wake it back up again? So much that sometimes you don't want to bother with it, you'd rather just leave it where it is?"

Sakura nodded.

"Well, Gaara's heart has done something like that. He didn't use for a very long time, so it fell asleep. And now that it's waking up, it hurts him... so that makes it hard for him to be as affectionate as someone like you, whose heart is in perfect working condition. So, he may want to tell you goodbye, but right now it hurts too much for him, and he's afraid that he'll just give up and stop trying to wake his heart up... But I know he loves you very much, because when he's with you, I see him smile, like he's really happy. I haven't seen my baby brother smile like that... for years and years. I didn't know he still could until he met you."

Sakura raised her head. Temari smiled at her. Sakura smiled back. Then Sakura stopped smiling, puzzled.

"Wait a minute. Did you just compare hearts to feet?"

"Got a problem with it? Come on, let's go back to the party." Temari left, with Sakura still mulling over the bizarre metaphor she had just been comforted with.

* * *

"Sakura?" Naruto asked. "You OK?"

"Yeah, I'm great," Sakura assured him. "Say, after this, you and Sasuke want to get some ramen?"

"Let me see if Hinata wants to come..."

"No," Sakura grabbed his arm. "We three haven't been spending enough time alone. We've been letting our stupid 'outside relationships' get in the way. Well, they aren't worth it!"

"Are you sure you're all right, Sakura?" Sasuke asked, backing away from the glint in his teammate's eye.

Temari looked at her watch. "Kankuro, we should go soon. How many different ways can you say goodbye to everybody?"

"I don't know, that's what I'm trying to find out!"

"Haha. Come on, we can't leave you-know-who alone in the house too long."

"All right, fine. I guess I'll see you guys around, then..."

"Not so fast. We're walking to the gate with you!" Naruto exclaimed.

"Yeah! We didn't wear these swimsuits just to stand around!" Tenten said. "We're gonna show off our kickin' bods."

So they walked down to the village gates for their final final farewells. These said, there was an awkward sort of silence as the Sand Sibs worked up the resolve to start walking away.

"Well... goodbye, then," Sasuke finally said slowly.

"Goodbye..." Kankuro said, equally slowly.

The brother and sister turned and began their journey home, just as the others began the walk back into the heart of their village.

The Sand Sibs managed to get a few yards in silence when suddenly, Rock Lee, who hadn't said anything to Temari during the party, ran up to them, out of breath.

Temari smiled. During the past three months, she had come to like Lee (and everyone else in Konoha) and was a little relieved to see that the young romantic would come to wish his swimming student goodbye. She waited for him to say something.

But he didn't. Rock Lee blushed crimson, walked up to her shyly, and kissed her on the cheek before running off in another direction.

Kankuro and Temari stared after him.

"He's so..." Kankuro squinted at the space where Lee had been. "Sweet."

Temari nodded thoughtfully. "Yeah..."

Kankuro looked at her sideways. He knew her too well, and had seen the parade of boyfriends and would-be boyfriends with hopeless crushes on his ice-princess sister. "You going to break his heart?" he asked, a mocking tone in his voice.

Temari, contrary to expectations, sighed. "I haven't decided yet."


	12. Maple Trees and Lizards

Maple Trees and Lizards: and the Sa-Ga continues

A/N: As of the 31st, this story will have been posted for a year! I would post this chapter on the anniversary, but... I want to say that I got this chapter done before the year was up.

* * *

POW! THUNK! POW! BAM! OOF!

Sakura lost her footing and fell out of the tree, twenty feet to the ground.

"Sakura!" Naruto and Sasuke came leaping over. "You Ok?"

"Yeah, just absent-minded, I guess," she laughed, dusting herself off.

"I meant are you hurt?"

"Oh, no, I'm fine."

"What happened up there?"

Sakura sighed, her eyes losing focus and staring off into the distance as they had so often in the past month. "Oh, I just got distracted watching the leaves. Aren't they pretty at this time of year?"

Naruto and Sasuke exchanged a meaningful glance.

"Sakura, he's going to be back in May, and, well, he didn't even say goodbye to you, maybe you shouldn't be taking this so seriously... Try to concentrate on more important stuff."

Sakura smiled at them innocently. "Who's going to be back in May? I really have no idea what you're talking about. I was just admiring the scenery and forgot what I was doing, that's all."

The boys sighed. "Whatever you say, Sakura. Let's call it a day, all right?"

* * *

Sakura sat on her window ledge and watched the moon as she combed out her hair. The nights had begun to get chilly, so the window was closed, probably for the best, given how prone to accidents she was these days.

A brush stroke unsnared some flora that had stuck in her hair after her fall. It spun around and landed on the little red-and-pink wrapped box that had been sitting on her dresser collecting dust.

Sakura moved to brush the twirlygig away, but instead only rested her hand on the box.

"You're right," she whispered. Sakura had gone a little crazy in the past month.

* * *

"Why doesn't anything grow out here?" Gaara asked that morning at the breakfast table. Surprisingly, Temari was not in the room, and this was odd because she was inevitably the one who got asked awkward questions by her little brothers. ("What's sex?" "Why doesn't Gaara have a bedtime?" and "Why won't anyone talk to me?" among others.)

Kankuro set down his spoonful of Fruit Loops. This had to be a trick question. "... because it's a desert?"

"Duh," Gaara growled. "I mean, why is it a desert?"

"Because you're here, and you suck the will to live out of the place."

"Kankuro!" Temari admonished, having picked this moment to enter the kitchen.

"What? I was joking!"

* * *

"Hey, Maki, is your sister home?" Naruto asked the little boy who answered the door.

Maki shook his head.

"Well, where is she?" Sasuke asked.

"She went on a quest," he said, "to find her _boyfriend_."

"Oh boy."

* * *

"This was a dumb idea," Sakura told herself three days later as Sunagakure's outer wall came into view. She wasn't even technically allowed to _be_ there without official business, and her business today was anything but official. She didn't have the appropriate travel papers, she didn't know where Gaara lived, she didn't know his last name, she didn't know anyone she could ask, she didn't have a whole lot of cash on her... up until now, she had just been traveling along blindly, without a thought to what to do once she arrived. She had just assumed that, after that sign she received from the Powers That Be, that everything would work itself out.

She took off her headband and unzipped her dress a little, hoping to flirt her way out if things got bad. She doubted she would be able to do this, but she was certain that she would be able to whip up some tears in a pinch.

Fortunately, the guards were busy talking to a couple that just happened to show up at the gate a little bit before her, and Sakura was able to slip past with only a quick nod in her direction.

After that bit of luck, things started to look bleak again. She had snuck into another village illegally and was now lost, alone, and likely to stay that way.

"I suck at this game," she decided.

* * *

Gaara sand-smushed the practice dummy, hardly blinking as the bits of stuffing fell around him. He knew the crew in charge of keeping the practice grounds in repair hated it when he was in the mood to do this, because there was never a dummy left when he was done, but he also knew they wouldn't complain, because, as the Suna saying goes, "a semi-sane Gaara who is smashing straw dummies to bits is a semi-sane Gaara who is not smashing people to bits. At least, not for the time being."

He kicked at a scrap that had fallen at his feet. He was in a weird mood, and the destruction of the final target on the court had left him with no distraction. He thought about heading home. Temari was making gizzards tonight to try to cheer him up, maybe he could help her. Of course, the last thing she wanted was his help, but it was better than standing there, kicking at stuffing. He turned around.

Haruno Sakura stared back at him.

"Sakura? You startled me."

Sakura said nothing, just smiled.

"What's your problem? What are you even doing here? Get sick of the forest or something?"

Sakura shrugged. "I was looking for someone."

"Is it legal for you to be here? Since you're a Leaf nin and all?"

Sakura shrugged again. "Temari isn't the only one who does illegal stuff in her spare time. What are you doing here?"

"I was practicing... since this is a practice court and all."

"Do child prodigies have to practice like us lesser mortals?"

Gaara looked to one side, planning out his answer. "All right, I was letting out steam... I miss my girlfriend so much right now, that if I didn't have this dummy to pulverize I would rip this whole village to shreds. And don't think I couldn't manage it."

Sakura grinned. "You miss her... that much? I hear you didn't even say goodbye to her."

Gaara shrugged. "You know how it is. Love is complicated."

"Is it?"

"Uh, _yeah_." Gaara rolled his eyes at such a dumb question. "Don't you have anyone you love? A friend? A teacher? A pet goldfish?" he asked, taking a step closer to her with each suggestion until they were finally face to face. "A boyfriend?"

"Yeah," Sakura whispered. "Actually, I do."

They decided mutually that it was a good time for a passionate kiss.

* * *

As to what was in Sakura's going-away present:

"Seriously, Gaara, leave your girlfriend alone, I'm trying to eat," Kankuro finally snapped at his brother at dinner.

"Aw, leave them alone, Kan-kun," Temari cooed. "They're cute."

"Cute? _Kittens_ are cute, Temari. That's just gross."

Sakura and Gaara, of course, ignored both of them completely and continued cuddling.

"Sakura... what's in your pocket?"

"Oh," Sakura giggled and retrieved the package she had been saving all month. "I wanted to give you this," she explained, handing it to him with a kiss. "But you left..."

"I'm sorry..."

"No, it's ok. I understand. Temari explained everything."

This was news to Gaara, who hadn't realized there was anything to explain, but his curiosity in his present overcame his interest in his sister's justification for his actions.

"It's just, I know that we can't be together the whole year. I mean, I can't stay with you here," she said as he ripped off the paper.

"Damn right you can't stay," Kankuro muttered. "I can't live with some girl joined to Gaara at the lips walking around."

"Oh stop being so melodramatic," Temari said. "Nobody really believes that _you'd_ lose your appetite, fatty."

"Shut up, 'Mari!"

Gaara had opened the box. "It's... a pot?"

Sakura nodded and picked up the twirler nestled inside the container. "I thought, you could grow your own... so that you can remember me when we're apart."

"But–," Gaara kissed her. "But, what about you? I–," kiss, "I didn't get you anything."

Sakura laughed. "That's OK. I'll remember you."

"No." Gaara vanished just as Sakura tried to kiss him again.

"See how much quieter this is?" Kankuro remarked. Sakura glared at him. "Oh don't look at me like that. He's coming back."

He did come back, with a water gourd (the miniature of his own) in tow. "Here."

Sakura took it from him uncertainly.

"It's filled with sand... it's not as good as a twirlygig tree, but,"

"It's perfect!" she exclaimed, throwing her arms around him.

"Here we go again," Kankuro muttered.

"I love you, Gaara."

"I love you, Sakura."

What? You didn't expect me to let Kankuro have the last word in a SakuGaar fic, did you?

--The End--

Final A/N and Credits:

Wow. It's hard to believe that a oneshot spin-off of a crack story would turn into a 12 chapter, 360-odd review story. I'm a little unsure what to say... I'm sure you'd like me to just shut up and let you get back to your fanfic'ing, but this story has been such a big deal to me for so long, I couldn't just... end it.

First off, SPECIAL MAGICAL COOKIE THANKS to all my reviewers. If not for you guys, I would have just left this thing, and that would have been a shame, for even though I've complained a fair deal, I really love this story. I go back and read it again myself ('cause I'm a narcissist that way). It makes me really sad when I check my stats and realize that The Fortune of Mrs. Sakura is outstripping Twirlygigs and Gizzards... T & G is like my favorite child, and now it's all grown up... Sorry, got sentimental, there.

I'm still not sure if I like this best as a oneshot or the full version, but if you've read this far it's clearly too late to find out, right?

Other acknowledgments:

The Nuances of Toast, who, more than anybody, have put up with far too much writer's block bitching from me.

People who supported The Village Hidden in the Lemon Peels, which is the original inspiration for this story. (Rainbow, that's you! X3)

P. G. Wodehouse, Jeeves, and Bertie Wooster,

The people who own the restaurant in Athens, OH that The Tango Mocha was based on.

Best Western, Dimetapp (I thank them a lot...), _Casablanca_, Adult Swim, Gainx

_My Big Fat Greek Wedding_, _Orange County,_ and all the other movies I ripped off

Apologizes to Amaya, who, if she had any idea how much she had to do with this story, would kill herself out of shame. Sorry, A-chan!

And finally, the mystery solved (I'm sure it's been bugging you): Sakura's little siblings names come from DeathNote. I was borrowing the manga when I first wrote this, didn't have access to any other Japanese names, and I was desperate. I don't remember which volume, but Shoko Maki is the fake name given to Light by the wife of a dead FBI agent, and Sayu, of course, is Light's little sister.

Once again, thank you to everybody, and I hoped you loved reading this as much as (more than) I loved writing it!

-KalliopeStarmist

_"And mom said she was out of oregano and I said "Itachi's got some in his room", and I was only four, how was I supposed to know it wasn't oregano? So mom blows up, and Itachi gets all pissed at me, and I'm like—," --Sasuke_


End file.
